I wonder if I share too much.
I believe God has gifted me to be a communicator, to share what He has taught me to others interested in hearing. But, I've had circumstances mount in my life that have made me reconsider.
Maybe I should hold back.
Maybe I should keep everything private.
I shared my heart with a dear friend this week. She said, "I don't want the watered down version, Mary. I want your words. Send me the real stuff." I nearly cried when she said it because I knew she knew my heart. Another friend said, "Stay the way you are, Mary." Although that sounds yearbook-ish, I greatly appreciated the accepting words.
But I struggle with who I am as an open person, particularly because the culture I live within (the church) is sometimes better at looking good on the outside than sharing pain on the inside. When I share my struggles, I shake up those who would rather keep theirs hidden. I ruffle the feathers of hiders.
Yes, I see now that moderation in sharing things is important. Every word I write and speak must be filtered through the hands of God. Sometimes I share too much. Other times I share too little. But I can't help but think that authenticity and truth is helpful to the church. At least it is for me. I am thankful when a leader shares his struggles. I am refreshed when I have the opportunity to pray for my widowed friend. I am delighted when someone trusts me enough to reveal pain or angst because, in my opinion, authenticity builds community.
I go back to the Bible. Jesus said the truth will make us free. We, oddly, believe that hiding behind a mask will keep us healthy. We believe that hiding the truth will keep us happy. No, the truth is what frees. Even Paul faced criticism for his realism (and please don't think I'm comparing myself to him...yikes!). Folks said he uttered strong words on papyrus, but in appearance he was weak. Many of us don't think of weakness when we think of the great apostle, but he was. And he shared his weakness freely, in order that the power of Jesus would be seen more keenly. (See 2 Corinthians 4:7 and 2 Corinthians 12:9, 10).
Consider these words: "For we do not want you to be unaware, brethren, of our affliction which came to us in Asia, that we were burdened excessively, beyond our strength, so that we despaired even of life; indeed we had the sentence of death within ourselves so that we would not trust in ourselves, but in God who raised the dead" (2 Corinthians 1: 8-9). Paul told it like it was. He despaired. He was burdened beyond what he could handle. And yet . . . And YET, God met him there, teaching him the amazing lesson that God shows up in our weakness.
So, here I am. I am weak. Perhaps I share it too frequently. Perhaps my frailty makes others uncomfortable. But I hope and pray that at the end of the day, I communicate not merely my struggles and worries, but that I point to the One who gives me strength.
Jesus has freed me to be myself, warts and all. He has freed me to speak His strength. Although I struggle with the how-when-why to communicate, I would rather fall on the side of authenticity.
That's just me.
I believe God has gifted me to be a communicator, to share what He has taught me to others interested in hearing. But, I've had circumstances mount in my life that have made me reconsider.
Maybe I should hold back.
Maybe I should keep everything private.
I shared my heart with a dear friend this week. She said, "I don't want the watered down version, Mary. I want your words. Send me the real stuff." I nearly cried when she said it because I knew she knew my heart. Another friend said, "Stay the way you are, Mary." Although that sounds yearbook-ish, I greatly appreciated the accepting words.
But I struggle with who I am as an open person, particularly because the culture I live within (the church) is sometimes better at looking good on the outside than sharing pain on the inside. When I share my struggles, I shake up those who would rather keep theirs hidden. I ruffle the feathers of hiders.
Yes, I see now that moderation in sharing things is important. Every word I write and speak must be filtered through the hands of God. Sometimes I share too much. Other times I share too little. But I can't help but think that authenticity and truth is helpful to the church. At least it is for me. I am thankful when a leader shares his struggles. I am refreshed when I have the opportunity to pray for my widowed friend. I am delighted when someone trusts me enough to reveal pain or angst because, in my opinion, authenticity builds community.
I go back to the Bible. Jesus said the truth will make us free. We, oddly, believe that hiding behind a mask will keep us healthy. We believe that hiding the truth will keep us happy. No, the truth is what frees. Even Paul faced criticism for his realism (and please don't think I'm comparing myself to him...yikes!). Folks said he uttered strong words on papyrus, but in appearance he was weak. Many of us don't think of weakness when we think of the great apostle, but he was. And he shared his weakness freely, in order that the power of Jesus would be seen more keenly. (See 2 Corinthians 4:7 and 2 Corinthians 12:9, 10).
Consider these words: "For we do not want you to be unaware, brethren, of our affliction which came to us in Asia, that we were burdened excessively, beyond our strength, so that we despaired even of life; indeed we had the sentence of death within ourselves so that we would not trust in ourselves, but in God who raised the dead" (2 Corinthians 1: 8-9). Paul told it like it was. He despaired. He was burdened beyond what he could handle. And yet . . . And YET, God met him there, teaching him the amazing lesson that God shows up in our weakness.
So, here I am. I am weak. Perhaps I share it too frequently. Perhaps my frailty makes others uncomfortable. But I hope and pray that at the end of the day, I communicate not merely my struggles and worries, but that I point to the One who gives me strength.
Jesus has freed me to be myself, warts and all. He has freed me to speak His strength. Although I struggle with the how-when-why to communicate, I would rather fall on the side of authenticity.
That's just me.
10 Comments:
Dearest Mary of France,
Yes, our transparency should be filtered through God's hands. Okay. But know this: your transparency gives others the courage and permission to be transparent too.
It's a revolution, Mary. Honest, flawed Christians. Who ever heard of such a thing? Certainly not the thrice burned non-believers who have been so disgusted by our false fronts and hypocracy that they won't get withing spitting range of a church.
I LOVE your FREEDOM. I love it because it assures me it's okay to be broken, transparent, and vulnerable in public. Perhaps it's more than okay. Perhaps I could go even further and say it's our responsibility.
I always say "People are a mirror of you". When their mirror is encrusted with years of scum, it may take awhile for them to mirror vulnerability back. But heavenly days, don't let scum stop you! Truth and humility is warfare.
Fight on, Mary of France.
Love and mass appreciation,
Kelli
Freedom and authenticity are how you earn the right to speak truth into people's lives. Keep on!
Also, a bible teacher that I find encouraging in my attempt to live in freedom is Steve Brown of Key Life. I know that when you are on the mission field one important need is to fill up your soul when you are on the front lines. I think he might be able to encourage you in your walk.
Micah Girl
Mary--I don't know you well enough to comment on degrees of self-revelation and whether or not you've somehow (miraculously!) achieved a good balance.
But one thing I do know, and I will share it here: Some months back, when we both left comments on another's blog, I was so touched and encouraged by what "relevantgirl" shared that I immediately visited your sites and have been here ever since.
In a less public format (email), I will write to you and point you to your comment that first made its way to my heart. So, to reveal or not to reveal? While that may be the question, my answer is that either way, you allow God to be glorified in you and through you. For that, and for you, I am grateful.
I think you have captured the thoughts and feelings that we all experience at some point in our life. You are no different than me. :) Great post!
Amen to all that you said! Amen, and THANK YOU for being real, for freeing ME up to keep risking a life of transparency. The truth IS what sets us free. But I never know quite how much of myself to share--even in my blog sometimes. While I realize my struggles may make some uncomfortable, others will appreciate my honesty. Your blog is insightful and encouraging to this heart and I will bookmark you and return again and again.
God bless you,
Vicki
http://windowstomysoul.blogspot.com
Thank you so much, everyone, for your votes of confidence and your capacity to embrace authenticity. What a blessing that is to me as I bare my soul to a world in need of hearing the redemptive story.
Mary,
As one very notable character put it, "BEEEE yourself!" That was the Genie on the movie "Aladdin." I've always remembered that for it's humorously animated scene, but it is so true. You encourage so many to come out of our self-encumbering, guilt-ridden, down-trodden, weight-carrying shells of "perfect Christianity." (there's no such thing!) Thanks for encouraging me not to be a hider.
love ya,
Ginge
I needed this today. Thank you for sharing.
Ginger,
You are so welcome. And thank YOU for your honest friendship. I so much need your authenticity. It's a gift to me.
Shannon, God be praised that my little words blessed you.
Mary, Since I heard you speak last year (2008) at Brookhaven for the Roaring Lambs Writer's conference I have been blessed!! I have thoroughly enjoyed getting to know you on the e-side and you have company with me as I am a feather ruffler myself (some would prefer it were a muffler!). I leave my salt at home at times when I share too much BUT even though that may seem so foreign to others, it is what they long for! We all want to be real, loved, and accepted (Just As We Are) yet we hold our barriers high and proud. It is time to shout so the walls will come tumbling down!!
Chel
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