At church today during worship, my mind flashed back to the Sundays we were there right after we returned from France. Nearly every musical portion of the worship, I wept. Deep, gut wrenching, heaving sobs. It felt like terror and cleansing and hope all wrapped up in one knotty tangle of string. To say I was a mess during that time would be an amusing understatement.
So today I'm thinking about all that grief, all those tears. I told Jesus, "You know, I'm pretty good at grieving."
I wonder if He smiled at my naive declaration. Or shook His head.
In His very quiet, convicting voice, He whispered in my ear, "Yes, you are good at grieving. But are you brave enough to live?"
His words have stayed with me all day. I've spent a lifetime grieving the past. I'm good at it. I should teach grief classes. I could be one of those professional mourners, those wailing folks at processional funerals. I know how to get the pain OUT there. Loud and deep.
But then what?
Life. Sweet life.
And wouldn't you know it? This is the verse that rung in my head when I woke up this morning:
"For in Him we live and move and exist, as even some of your own poets have said, 'For we also are His children" (Acts 17:28)
I live. I move. I exist. All by Him. As His empowered child.
I grieve well. It's true.
And now it's time to live, really live.
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7 comments:
Mary,
Thank you for sharing your thoughts on the grieving process. Being able to grieve truly is a blessing. I was speaking with a friend toward the end of last year, and I remember telling her that I've never grieved anything - really grieved - in my whole life. My family was not really "into" grieving or dwelling on pain. But it's tough to move past hurts unless you really grieve them. As you mentioned, though, the goal of dealing with our grief is healing and restoration, not just to be entrenched in the process.
I admire your ability to be honest and real about your hurts and to show people that they aren't alone. That is a blessing! God has used your words to influence many people and to transform lives. Thank you!
Marla Alupoaicei
Leap of Faith
www.marriageleap.com
Mary, Here is a quote I am working with now for a devotion..Thought you might "enjoy" it. I am praying that I can "stand up and live" this year
"How vain it is to sit down to write when you have not stood up to live." - H.D. Thoreau I know how many times you have "stood up to live" and how wonderfully well you have put it into words. Thank you for that. Clella
Jesus's words to us are exactly what we need when we need them. HE knows if you've mastered grief a bit too well. From where I'm sitting, you are a wonderful role model of how to do it and do it well--and then continue to have a full, productive life of service to His call. THANK you for showing me how to move forward.
I so understand what you are saying here. For me, to live- really live- is to hope, to dare to believe God for His dreams in me to be fulfilled. I've been blogging about the parable of the prodigal son- thinking about the son who stayed home, had his father and all that the father had, at his disposal. Yet he didn't live. He didn't celebrate. He didn't appropriate the blessing the Father had for him- just for the asking.
I'm not only learning how to LIVE, I'm learning how to ask, to desire, to hope, to believe a generous God with a generous heart has so much more for me to explore. It's all wrapped up in Him.
Mary, did you know that the verse you mentioned -- Act 17:28, "In Him we live and move and have our being" -- is the verse for Jan. 6th in The One-Year Life Verse Devotional? Same day that you wrote your post! Pretty cool, huh?
Got connected to you from Middle Zone Musings' Blogapooloza...this post is wonderful!! Nothing is impossible with Christ...even when times are meant for grieving...even when times are meant to live...
Peace and Blessings...
I am so glad you allowed God to enrich both your own life and the lives of others by deciding to stand up and live!!
It is also important to spiritually apply this idea! Stand up and live for God instead of sitting by and letting others live while we sit and watch. :)
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