I've puzzled lately why my nearly sixteen year old daughter has said, "Mom, you're pretty," so many times in the past few months. To be honest, it was nice to hear, particularly as I head towards being twenty-one-twenty-one. But then everything came together this weekend when I heard Vicki Courtney speak. She gave us five things our daughters wanted to tell us, but were afraid to. Here are the five. Pay careful attention to number three:
I have had three children. My body will never be the same it was when I walked down the aisle as a toothpick-thin bride.
Matthew 5:25 says "Make friends quickly with your opponent at law while you are with him on the way, so that your opponent may not hand you over to the judge, and the judge to the officer, and you be thrown into prison."
I'm afraid I'm guilty of not obeying that verse, only the opponent isn't someone else, it's me. I need to learn to make friends with my reflection, denying the nagging voice in my head that says I'm no Angelina Jolie, who compares me mercilessly to the latest teen heart-throb. I am doing my daughters no favors by constantly worrying about my physique.
Lord, forgive me!
So my daughter's words have prompted me to:
- Mom, please be my mom first, then my friend.
- Level with me about s*x.
- Make friends with your own reflection.
- Understand how important my friends are to me.
- Walk your talk, talk your walk.
I have had three children. My body will never be the same it was when I walked down the aisle as a toothpick-thin bride.
Matthew 5:25 says "Make friends quickly with your opponent at law while you are with him on the way, so that your opponent may not hand you over to the judge, and the judge to the officer, and you be thrown into prison."
I'm afraid I'm guilty of not obeying that verse, only the opponent isn't someone else, it's me. I need to learn to make friends with my reflection, denying the nagging voice in my head that says I'm no Angelina Jolie, who compares me mercilessly to the latest teen heart-throb. I am doing my daughters no favors by constantly worrying about my physique.
Lord, forgive me!
So my daughter's words have prompted me to:
- Tell her SHE is beautiful.
- Remind myself that God looks at the heart, and that my goal in life should be beauty He rewards, the kind of heart that runs quickly to Him, full of mercy and patience and kindness.
- Shake hands with 41-year-old me, realizing I'm healthy, in shape, and happy. There is nothing more that should trouble me.
- Defy the culture that glorifies youth and puts asunder anything less than perfection. Is that what Jesus would do? Would He flock to the beautiful people? Since He created us all, we're all beautiful people. To place on each other this yoke of hierarchy is to discredit Jesus.
- Smile when I look in the mirror, thankful for the years the Lord has given me thus far on this earth. Because my father died when I was young, I always thought I would die in my thirties. Well, I didn't. And I'm so thankful.
7 Comments:
Great blog, Mary. So true! Yes, make friends with our own reflection for our daughters' sake, but also for ourselves. I know when and if I get down on myself, those seeds wiggle down in my heart and produce bad fruit. Usually comes out of my mouth in some negative way. :(
Thanks for this reminder!! We are made in HIs image!
Rachel - who agrees with your daughter. You're beautiful.
Great advice, Merry Mary! I don't think most moms realize that so many things they feel, even when not voiced, are passed on to their children, especially daughters, by being caught rather than taught. Even though I no longer have kiddos at home, this is still great advice at my age to make peace with my reflection. Since physical conditions plague the body lately, this isn't easy. Thanks for this reminder. Blessings to you...Lynn
I just saw Rachel's comment, and I agree...you are beautiful!
Oh, true. And convicting for me. Thanks, Mary!
I hate mirrors. I hate the way they taunt us. And they always seem to get our attention, even if it's a reflection in a window or a store.
It's so annoying how fixated we can become on our appearances. Especially us ladies. This world makes that so easy and it's a huge temptation for me. And a huge letdown because anytime I focus on my appearance, I always get down.
I feel ugly, or not good enough, or I fall into the jealousy/comparison trap. And walking through the mall, or watching movies, or just seeing stupid ads on the internet only makes it worse. I see those airbrushed models and think, man, wish I had that.
But no, I have a body that says, "You have 2 kids."
I love this post though, because even though my baby girl is young, I don't want her to grow up with a mommy who isn't secure in God and comfortable and content with the way she looks. I don't want to be striving to attain the model perfect look, especially because I don't want my daughter's too.
Anyhoo, this is a BIG struggle for every woman, I'm sure. I was just thinking about this today actually, while reading John Piper.
I don't want to be the type of woman that seeks the praise of men or validation from the world, I want God to be my center and my all. I want to love Him so much that I could care less if I'm wearing the latest trends. I want to be unnoticed in the world and store up treasures in heaven, rather than store up tally marks of how many heads I can turn.
Anyway, great post as usual! And you are beautiful, so beautiful. One of thee most beautiful women I know. Period.
You girlz are sweet. Thanks for the encouraging notes and the willingness to examine how we see ourselves.
This is great advice. Thanks.
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