Friends part one

The Lord's been stirring me about friendships lately, how precious they are, how unusual they are, how unpredictable. I remembered an article I wrote a long time ago that never saw the light of day, but became fodder for a talk I give about eternal perspective and friendships. So for the next several days, I'm going to post parts of that article, then wrap it all up with some recent stories of friendship. I pray this series blesses you, makes you want to hug your friends, and gives you great perspective on the thrilling and sometimes problematic journey of friendships.


“I’ve dreamed of meeting her all my life . . . a bosom friend—an intimate friend, you know—a really kindred spirit to whom I can confide my inmost soul,” said fictional Anne of Green Gables.

Whether we’re sensing hormones for the first time in a rush of I-need-chocolate adrenaline, or we are flashing red with night sweats, we think about our girlfriends or our lack of meaningful “bosom” friends. With an increasingly mobile society as our backdrop, and a life scheduled to the nanosecond, we seldom take time to develop one of God’s beautiful gifts—women’s friendship.

In our Christian subculture, we’ve heard some familiar terms—eternal perspective, purpose-driven life, a life God rewards. How can developing a heart bent toward eternity and a mind focused on eternal reward affect our friendships? If we live life today in light of wanting to hear “Well done, good and faithful servant” on THAT day, how will that longing change the way we view the women God puts in our paths today? Below are several ways:

Eternal perspective celebrates the one true friendship

I’ve been guilty of running to friends when life gets chaotic and painful. I am more apt to dial a phone number than to hit my knees and cry out to the Maker of all friendships. Having an eternal perspective places earthly friendships in their proper perspective. Author Dee Brestin, in The Friendships of Women expands this notion: “As women, our tendency toward dependency on people is our Achilles’ heel. We forget that our only security is God, and we trust instead in each other.” (p. 160)

I’ve been smothered by women, and I’ve smothered others. I’ve been disappointed by women, and I’ve disappointed others. I’ve placed undue trust in women, and I’ve violated trust. I now realize keeping my friendship with Jesus first is the best thing I can do for my friends. I need to run to Jesus, flooding Him with my worries and fears because He is the only One who won’t leave me. He’s the only One equipped to shoulder my burdens. Psalm 9:10 puts it beautifully: “Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you.”

A few years ago, I wore out my friend Stacey with my constant neediness. Instead of companion, I made her chief counselor and called her whenever I felt tears sting my eyes. Eventually (thankfully!), she pulled away. In love, she said, “Mary, you need to turn to Jesus first. Only He can heal your heart. I’m happy to be here for you, but I can’t be Jesus. Turn to Him.” Her words seared my heart—the way words do when they burn truth. It’s been a wonderfully excruciating journey to set the phone back down and instead call on Jesus when I hurt. My strained relationship with Stacey mended after I repented of making her an idol and turned to the jealous God who wanted all my heart and affections.