Hubby and I had an interesting interchange last night while we walked Pippin the wonderdog at the park. Hubby likes to let Pippin be free, off leash. This freaks me out, not because Pippin is a naughty dog (he's very sweet), but because I remember how deeply afraid I was of dogs growing up and there were kids and adults around who may have had that same fear.
When Pippin ran, unleashed, toward a boy, I saw terror in his eyes. I knew that look. I grabbed Pippin and asked hubby to please re-leash him. "When there are people around, we have to leash him," I told my husband.
"I have never seen anyone be afraid of Pippin," he said. Nonetheless, at my kind (nagging!) insistence, he fixed the leash on Pippin.
"I see it," I said.
As I ran this morning, I mulled over the interchange in my mind. Because I'd been bitten by a neighbor dog and chased by dobermans, I had an instinctive empathy to anyone who might be afraid of dogs. Since my husband didn't have that experience with dogs growing up, he was somewhat blinded by people's worry.
It's not that either of us is right or wrong, just different.
I need to let go a bit, which is what my husband emulates. He helps me be free.
But he also needs to know there are afraid people out there. He needs some caution.
Here's my final formulation: I can thank God for the dogs that terrified me. Why? Because in the aftermath of that, I have empathy. And Patrick can thank God he didn't face scary dogs. Why? Because in the aftermath of that, he has confidence.
Confidence and empathy, both good things. Which is why I love marriage, why I enjoy what God creates between the two of us: a blessed balance.
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6 comments:
It is wonderful for a child to have both a mother and a father for just the reasons you posted about.
One day I took a drink out to the field for my husband and young son who was riding on the combine with him. Our son walked out on the platform and fell to the ground.
My first reaction was to gather up our son and take him home with me. My husband said no, just comfort him and let him get back into the cab of the combine.
Wisdom. In this case I could have given our son my fear.
Actually, Mary, I'm pretty sure Patrick's confidence comes from that "way" he has with animals. Seems I recall something about St. Francis . . .
Love both comments. As a single parent I have to trust God when my daughters got so much of my personality without the balance of a male perspective and input of other strenghths to mine in the home from 2 1/2 yo. (I also knew that it was better to have a united Christian home than a father who had turned against God.)
Today I am empathetic because of what I didn't have that others took for granted.
I am glad to read about someone else who was chased by dobermans and was scared of dogs! I have felt like my old fear of dogs was crazy but for little kids, even a big gentle loving dog right in your face is a little overwhelming! :) I just found your blog, it's great, thanks!
It's nice to know I'm not alone Jocelyn!
I have come across people allowing their dogs to run unleashed in areas where dogs are to be on leash such as nature preserves. One big problem with this is that I have been run into by big dogs on the trail which has left me in considerable pain as I have a genetic disease that affect my connective tissue and my joints dislocate easily. I never walk alone cause if I was knocked down I would not be able to get up without help. The dogs running about also cause wildlife to be spooked and duck to abandon nests.
As to the fear factor, it is very real for many people. As child I was bitten by an old large collie who got stressed at my bicycle wheels and knocked me off my bike with her tooth hooked into my thigh, funny thing is I am not afraid of collies as I personally knew this dig to be loving and gentle, she just got crabby and fearful as she got older, hence I did not ride my bike down that driveway anymore and she greeted me with love. But another neighbor was raising german shepherds as guard dogs and their aggressive growling, barring teeth and lunges against their chains left a negative impression on me. Teresa
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