These last two years stateside, I've been praying for my husband every time I spied a red bird. The whole red bird thing started in France, where, surprise-surprise, they have red birds too. Something about the startling beauty of a red bird flying through the sky or contrasted in front of a thicket or forest that caught my eye. And in that noticing, God said, "Pray for your husband when you see a red bird."So I prayed.
I prayed through team dynamics.
I prayed through disappointments, depressions.
I prayed as we helped our children endure French schools.
I prayed through my husband's endless decision making.
I prayed through his sermons (words that changed my life and still stay with me today).
I prayed through our mutual disappointment with how things turned out.
I prayed through the decision to come home.
I prayed as my husband grappled with the loss of a ministry dream.
And I prayed through our slow process of healing.
All while single red birds circled the sky.
Funny thing, those red birds. I've only seen them alone. One by one. Flashy reminders to pray for my husband.
But a few days ago, God gave me a gift. As I ran, I prayed. And as I prayed, two red birds circled the sky. It was as if God was saying He would heal the two of us, not just my husband individually, not just me individually. He would knit the two of us back together after trauma. What a beautiful picture that was for me.
I can attest that severe ministry stress hurts a marriage. We once shared our story of France with a dear friend who'd served in ministry his whole life and encountered loads of hurt. Now nearing 80 years old, we figured he'd nod our way when he heard our story and say something like, "Oh yeah, welcome to ministry." But he didn't. He said something like, "Wow, I've never heard anything like that. That's a really difficult story."
It felt good to hear those words, to have a saint validate the hardness of our journey.
For a time I think we both flew in harried circles, desperately trying to keep airborne. But I've sensed a turning. A holy turning. It's like we flew in a wide sky and suddenly discovered we didn't like flying alone. We found each other, and now we're flying together.
11 Comments:
Love, love, love this, Mary. Nothing breaks the heart like ministry . . . let alone what you must have gone through. Thanks for your courage in sharing this piece of it. I love the cardinals here in Indiana because they remind me of Jesus' blood when I see flashes of them piercing through all the brown, lifeless trees. Now I'll have another reason to say a little prayer when I see them. Blessings . . .
Thanks for this. Your voice speaks my heart language--as a planter's wife in the midst of an uphill climb it's refreshing to hear that God cares for our marriage as much as for our ministry. Here's to flying together!
Amy, thanks for your words and prayers.
I'm so glad to give your church-planting experience a voice, CommonChick.
That's pretty cool. I wish we had red birds in Colorado...
God is cool in the way he infused you and your family with hope.
Mary, how you put your soul on paper in such an eloquent and encouraging way is beyond me, and I'm guessing, beyond you, too.
Your stories encourage me to keep listening, even when I'm sure He's stopped speaking.
Blessings,
Sarah
Darcie, I'm sending some birds your way...Let me know if they make it! :-)
Sarah, thanks so much for your kind words. Keep at that listening thing.
Bless you, Mary. I resonate with you. Tough stuff, but when you can get through it, it makes for a much stronger relationship. I know from personal experience in ministry.
Rach
As a pastor's wife I know the unique stresses that ministry puts on us. Thankfully, God knows about it, too, and provides red birds and other daily miracles that help us look at our relationships with a fresh perspective. Later this year my DH and I will celebrate our 50th anniversary. I pray you and your love will find your way to an equally wonderful destination.
Thanks, Rach. Isn't it ironic that ministry can weaken/stress a marriage?
Happy almost 50th, Careann!
Ah, Mary, what a beautiful picture. Right now we are flying together as we job-seek for nearly a year now. Just as I graduated DTS, Don was laid off at Dell. The farm where we live is full of red birds! I love this story. I will try to send you a picture from here one day.
Wow. Being laid off is stinky.
Yeah, send me bird pics!
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