I had a good talk with a friend recently. She's an author, and we were talking about the load we bear. She said something like, "I try to limit my time online so that I can spend actual time with the physical people in my life--face to face."
Her words touched me, wormed their way into my heart. I fear I spend too much time with cyber friends than actual friends. That I minister via email more than bringing food, or praying in person. Of course it didn't always used to be that way.
Part of it is marketing my books. I work hard at creating an online presence here for the purpose of marketing. And since I'm here, I field a lot of emails and communications with lots of folks. I pray that my interactions in cyberspace are encouraging to others. But even so, it's not a substitute for loving others who are directly in front of me.
Do you struggle with a virtual life versus a real, human life? What do you do to connect better with people? Unplug? Take a walk with friends? Stop?
I want to make an eternal impact on this earth. Is that even possible on the internet? Have I been duped to think that ministering online is some sort of substitute for ministering in person? I don't have the answers, just lots of questions.
15 comments:
I'm very shy so I find online interaction much easier than real world interaction.
I do the 'works' part of things, feeding the homeless etc but keep the talking to a minimum.
Some people online tell me that they appreciate what I do online but in reality it's just a place for me to hide from the real world.
Wonderful questions you have. I made an eternal impact on a friend who I only knew online for years -- she accepted Jesus 2 years ago. But we were made for relationships -- face to face relationships too.
I had similar conversations a few weeks ago with a good friend of mine. She is of the opinion that you can't do true ministry online -- that it needs to be face to face, but I disagree with her to some extent. I think you can do ministry online, but that (as with everything) there needs to be a balance.
You shouldn't be online so much that you don't know how to talk to someone sitting right in front of you -- and you shouldn't be "connected" online when you are around people (be fully there).
I find myself struggling with the balance all the time. Then my husband comes home and drags me off the computer :)
I was just thinking about this yesterday. I wondered if I've started to become a bit more reclusive--staying home more than I used to in order to write/blog/etc. And I also got to thinking about how much time I actually waste on the computer. And how often I don't pay attention to the people around me because I'm so focused on the people in the computer. So today my goal is to limit my time on the computer and be PRESENT in the lives of my kids and husband.
Just last night, a lovely lady I've met once in person and otherwise have an online relationship with emailed me to say, "I wish I lived next door to you. I would bring you a homemade dinner tonight...." Then she said, since her wish couldn't come true, that there was a certain book she thought I'd love that she wanted to ship to me! She could have recced this book and I would have purchased it myself, of course. But she was truly reaching through cyberspace to make our connection more personal and CLOSE. I thought the gesture was so lovely, it made me weep.
I happen to know she's an excellent cook, though, and if she DID live next door, I'd be even happier!
I, for one, am very glad you spend so much time ministering to cyber buds. I am so blessed by the truths you share with me.
I love the questions, Mary!
Very relevant, very immediate. Today we spend more time on our computers, and it is possible to cyber-minister, but I always come back to Genesis 2:18, "It is not good for man to be alone."
We were meant to be in relationship with one another, seeing people face to face reminds us that we were made in God's image.
Computers have afforded us the luxury of immediate feedback through messaging and keeping in touch with others. That can help relationship, but ultimately it shouldn't take the place of the presence of relationship.
I think computer versus face to face is a common issue with so many people today as we struggle to find balance!
Thanks for the post, Mary.
True, Ashley. We wouldn't have met!!!
Loretta, I like what you've said. Balance is a good word to use.
I love this post, Mary. I don't have any answers either. But, I definitely have all the same questions. I have to say that I struggle with blogging and twittering a bit. I desire to minister to others and blogging is definitely one way I do it.
However, as much as I love writing, I think that face to face contact is more impactful.
It is the women in my life that climbed into the trenches with me, laughed and cried with me, that made the most impact on me. Not a random blog I read. And really, not even a book (besides the Bible, of course). It has been the person standing beside me, walking out life with me.
I want to be a writer and one of the main things I hear about is building your platform through blogging, tweeting, facebooking and the like. But honestly, that's not what I want. I don't want to spend all my time online attempting to draw followers and readers and thereby neglect those nearest me. Yes, I want to touch another. Yes, I want to provide encouragement, hope, and inspiration. But, am I really just less effective in the life of another now because of so many distractions. I don't know?
Thank you for this post!
Wow Mary...GREAT topic! You know...years ago I found myself unable to "be a servant" on a regular basis...unable to really "get out" as I was consumed with being a mommy of toddlers and "spiritually single." God spoke to my heart and gave me a calling through "ScriptureNow.com." (I think He chuckled at me...I had no more excuses!!) Because of this online ministry...I have been able to bring the Word of God to thousands and thousands of people in over 30 countries around the world. I still stand in awe. I agree that there should probably be some balance...BUT God has a specific call for each of us...and sometimes it may call for us to reach the lost sitting behind the computer. Also, what I've found is that MOST people would hesitate to reach out for help had it not been for the internet. (It helps people get past their fear of rejection...etc.) Hence, the GREAT VALUE of your site "Family Secrets." God is bringing healing through that site. It IS sometimes a struggle...but sometimes I think that's the enemy...trying to divert our attention...trying to get us off track of God's great purposes!
BTW, I was going to send you this Scripture today...when I was reading it...it made me think of you...seems with your post it is VERY fitting!
In Him!
Cherie
Therefore, my dear "sister", stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain. 1 Corinthians 15:58
I rushed my comment earlier and wanted to come back to say a little more.
Although I use the Internet as a way of avoiding real interaction, that doesn't mean internet interactions are any less important.
Using the Internet to reach people you would not otherwise have been able to reach is wonderful. The connections of the world-wide-web have opened up new opportunities that may previously been closed to us.
There is a need for balance. Just as Peter and Paul had to discover that it was necessary to witness to Jews and Gentiles alike, so it is necessary for some of us to connect and witness in the online world as well as the offline world.
As a Pastor, I can do almost everything talking to people online that I can do talking to them offline. In fact, there are times when the safety and security of being in different places helps people to open up in new ways.
We must not neglect physical community though. We were made as communal beings who need to be together with others regularly!
Great thoughts. It seems to be that God uses us as physical beings, but He also uses cyber technology to bless others too.
Hi Mary -
I think so many people who spend anytime online in a blog-type setting wonder all these same things. I know I do. Amber from The Run a Muck recently hosted A Sister Party where she encouraged readers to organize and host a get-together for real life girl friends in their homes.
I didn't do it, but I thought about it a lot :) I have found one perk is that the women who read my blog who I also know in real life know me better and more deeply than the women I know in real life who don't read at all. And if they have blogs, its the same way. For me, it has enhanced and deepened existing friendships. I like that.
That's a winsome and cool idea! Thanks for sharing.
I agree balance is key. I work for a church and there are many people who will post their issues online before they will walk up to you to share their pain. We have become great friends with a young guy, married with a baby that posted on our forum that he was considering suicide. He was reaching through cyberspace for help that he was unable or willing to reach for in person. We reached out to him and he is great today. His family is one that is now involved at church. I think about all those that are too afraid to say something in person that they can freely admit online. I suppose along with balance the key is too bring those you can offline into relationship and community.
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