The Prayer of Relinquishment

As I've thought and prayed about Daisy Chain and its impending release, the Lord keeps putting this picture in my mind: me kneeling, giving the book to Him as an offering. So I've been doing this, laying the book before Him, letting Him have His way with it. This has not been easy, and as the days near when the book hits the shelves, it is harder and harder to do. But it's the only thing to do, really.

Today I was thinking about reactions to the book, some of which have surprised me. I prayed, "Lord, I'm not sure I like this."

"Mary," He said. "You gave this book to Me, remember? The results rest in My hands, not in your preconceived hopes."

Wow.

That's the prayer of relinquishment in action. It's giving something you value to God and letting its outcome rest there too, without taking it back. That's how it is with our relationships too. There are many relationships I've placed in God's hands, willingly (sometimes) giving the outcome to Him. In some instances He surprises me with reconciliation; other times I learn patience in the waiting. But in all of that, He is sovereign.

What do you hold tightly today?

Is it something you created? A book, a piece of art, your job?

Is it worry about finances or your future?

Is it a broken-beyond-belief relationship?

I can't guarantee you'll love the outcome if you pray this prayer, but I can say that in praying it I've experienced peace, knowing the Sovereign God of the Universe, the One who flung the stars into existence, is big enough to carry the things I clutch to myself.

Ready?

Dear Jesus, I give You _________________. I humble myself before You, believing You are bigger than me, that You are more than capable to handle my burdens. I don't know what the outcome of me giving up control of __________________ will be, but even so, I open my fist and let You grab it (or the person) from me. I want Your will. I want Your presence. I need Your strength. Please take this burden today and use it in my life for Your glory. Help me to entrust _____________ to You even when things seem dark. I trust You. At least I try. But help me to trust You today. Right now. I give it up. Amen.

Those who live by the stage

There are two choices for a writer: seclusion or limelight. Sometimes it's somewhere in between. But the way God has made me (or perhaps it's my own dysfunction) is to impart. When I learn something, experience something new of Jesus, or hear direction, my first inclination is to share it--usually here.

Of course, I am learning the fine art of quiet and rest and keeping some things to myself. Believe it or not, that's a discipline for me. In high school after meeting Jesus, I had this insatiable desire to tell my testimony to everyone who would listen. I would share my tale of trials, then triumph to anyone with ears. As I grew, I realized how important it was for me to simply take direction from the Holy Spirit's promptings rather than simply vomit my story on anyone.

And now I'm in that place where I share as God leads.

In my nonfiction books, I've put myself on the page for all to meet. I do that here, too. It's strange for me to meet someone who's read my blog, to see how familiar he/she is with me, my struggles, my fears. It always takes me aback. And yet, I continue to spill my heart. Why? Because I believe there is something intrinsically helpful about sharing each other's authentic journeys.

So I write facts on the page, but I also spin stories. And it's the stories I write where I feel the most vulnerable. You would think it would be the opposite, but it's not. And I'm not sure why that is.

So yesterday I read several reviews of Daisy Chain. Many were humbling and stellar. A few weren't. (And of course with my crazy insecure soul, I latched onto the the non-stellar reviews). The words stung, then wormed their way into my heart. It took me some time to let this all go, to place the good and the bad in Jesus' hands for His glory. But it's not easy for me.

This morning, though, the Lord was gracious to me. I ran down the path toward the lake, and I heard Him say, "Those who live by the stage, die by the stage." If I am living for limelight, for the applause of others, my soul will crumble under the critique of others. But if I am living for the resounding applause of heaven, earthly words will not kill me. They'll keep me close to the One who deserves the stage in the first place.

So I prayed my way through the run, thanking God that Daisy Chain would actually disturb people, praising Him for using these reviews to push me to His heart. It's so not about me. It's about Him. It's about doing my best, writing the story He puts in my heart, and letting the results rest in His scarred hands. I simply need to be obedient and trusting.

Because, as the curtain closes on the play of my life, I want it to fall on Him. I want my story and stories to be so infused with Him that folks applaud His fame, His ability. "It is the work that God does through us that counts," writes Oswald Chambers, not what we do for him."

Listen to Homeword today and tomorrow

I'll be chatting with Jim Burns on Homeword today. If you don't know when it airs in your locale (It's usually aired next to Focus on the Family and Family Life), you can listen to it here. The subject? Authentic Parenting in a Postmodern Culture. If you listen, would you be so kind as to leave a comment here, letting me know one thing you learned. (It'll probably be from Jim! :-))

I just don't know what to say....

My friend Rachelle Gardner nominated me (oh, and that guy Michael Hyatt) for an award. She wrote:

If you read Michael Hyatt's blog or Twitter posts, you've probably noticed he frequently refers to his zero-inbox status. Awhile back he wrote a blog post on how to stay on top of email, and occasionally he Tweets about it. My good friend Mary DeMuth also regales Twitter friends with her own zero-inbox status, and to tell you the truth, the both of them drive me plum crazy. So today I'd like to present both Mary and Mike with the above "Inbox=Zero" award, from Nerd Merit Badges.com. Congratulations Mary and Mike!

I'm back. All I can say is THANKS! As one who receives hundreds (I'm not exaggerating) emails a day, most of which need to be read and processed and responded to, this award warms the cockles of my heart. (I'm not sure what cockles are, but they are warmed.)

How about you? How do you tame the email tiger?

Infectious skin diseases

So I'm reading through Leviticus right now and I'm stuck in the infectious skin disease cycle where it talks about the priests looking at everyone's icky rashes and declaring them unclean or clean. It doesn't seem like a fun job to me. (Maybe this is why I am not a dermatologist.) But then I read about the folks who are unclean, how they have to declare it, how they have to stay outside the camp.

Then, my mind drifted to Jesus who dared to look beyond the label UNCLEAN and reach His holy hand to touch lepers. Imagine not being touched for many years, only to have the God of the Universe reach out and touch you, essentially declaring you unclean. But then your skin transforms utterly. Your nerves do their firing. Your skin becomes a baby's. And you're utterly changed.

I love Jesus for doing that.

I have often felt outside the camp. I have raised my eyes, but not my voice, afraid to tell the truth of my uncleanliness. But He sees all that inner wrestling. He sees my despair. He holds His holy hand to me, rescues me from banishment, and gently pulls me into His family. I love that about Jesus.

Once I was far, far away. Now I am near. All because of Him.

Once I was cut off; now I am unsevered, connected, like a vine to its roots.

These are His gifts to me: inclusivity, community, new beauty, hope.

Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia!

Humbling review number two

You can read it here.

A Changed Life Comes Through Forgiveness

As We Forgive by Catherine Claire Larson is one of those life-changing books that will linger with you the rest of your life. It’s not for the fainthearted. It’s not for the hard-hearted or those bent toward stubborn unforgiveness. It’s primarily a story of hope.

During 100 days of 1994 800,000 people were brutally murdered in Rwanda—a genocide swifter in execution than Nazi gas chambers. Imagine Denver and Colorado Springs—every man, woman and child—suddenly gone from our population and you’ll appreciate the scope of the horror. (And go look on a map of Africa. Trace your finger due South of Uganda, due West of the Congo and you’ll appreciate how little this country is.)

As We Forgive shares the stories of genocide survivors, recounting the unspeakable. But it does not stop there. Larson pulls back the curtain of the most ostentatious acts of forgiveness I’ve witnessed, where genocide survivors choose to forgive those who perpetrated such violence.

Together, through reconciliation practices and restorative justice, they are rebuilding their country from the ruins of hatred—all on the back of the One who still bears the scars for our sins today.

I came away from this book changed, deeply moved, and inspired. Having seen the power of God to help people forgive the seeming unforgiveable, it gave me hope that my own wrestling with forgiveness would end in hope. I also appreciated that none of the forgiveness modeled was simple or easy or quickly won, nor does the book purport that reconciliation is merely forgiveness while forgetting. For true restoration to occur, the person perpetrating the atrocity must first fully own his/her own sin and grieve it as such. And for the person who was sinned against to heal, he/she must revisit the place of grief in order to heal.

All this dovetails beautifully into the message God’s been birthing in me—to help people who suffer silently to tell the truth about their pasts, to choose the difficult path of forgiveness, in order to heal.

If God can reach into a genocide victim’s heart and offer peace; if He can transform a murderer into a productive member of a reconciled society; then surely He can transform your pain today. That’s the patent hope this book gives. It’s a gift to all of us. And I pray it’s a gift all open.

Lovely, lovely review of Daisy

Interested in reading it? Click here.

Two Cool things

A Slow Burn is now up on the Zondervan page. It's the second book in the Defiance, Texas series. Read about it here.

And if your eyes are tired and you'd rather LISTEN to Daisy Chain, you can. Click here for the audiobook.

First Freedom Friday . . . Forgiveness

Come check out the first Freedom Friday post over at My Family Secrets here. I have a sneaking feeling that a lot of Freedom Fridays (how folks found freedom from devastating family secrets) will deal with forgiveness.

Also, I'm looking for more Freedom Friday stories. My Family Secrets gets a lot of traffic, so if you're looking to have some exposure, feel free to click the tab that says "Tell Your Secret." You can certainly post your Freedom Friday post anonymously, or use your name, whichever you prefer. Or you can share a secret for the regularly-scheduled week anonymously.

And one more thing before I go: If you have a family secret, but you're paralyzed by fear, consider reading the past posts and the comments. There's a listing of topics on the right hand side like sexual abuse, affairs, drugs, secret children, etc. Although it's been sad to read so many secrets, it's also been exciting to know folks have dared to share something that they'd hidden in the darkness. Sharing the secret this way is their first step into the light. I'd love for you to comment and encourage these folks.

My big, fat fear: Fame Messing with my Heart

Regarding fears in the publishing journey:

My big, fat fear came when the Lord showed me many of the trials I’d faced right before my first major writing conference. They were personal trials full of pain and ick. At the end of that sad display (although I’m thrilled the Lord brought me through every single trial and made me stronger), the Lord said to me, “Mary, you have withstood many trials. But will you withstand the trial of notariety?”

Those words stayed with me at that conference—the place where I ended up signing with an agent, which led to two-book contracts within a few months. My fear? I didn’t want “fame” to mess with my heart. It’s still my fear. Not that I’m famous. Not that my books have sold wildly well. That hasn’t happened. But even so, I constantly pray that the Lord would keep me close to Him. That any fame that comes my way is simply a vehicle to make Him famous.

Why I Love Jesus 50 Reasons (and counting)

Let me count the ways:

1. He showed me how to live. (And oh, how I wish I could walk in His sandals better.)
2. He loved the unlovely--including me.
3. He personified tenderness and strength.
4. He saw fit to rescue me from despair.
5. He cherished children.
6. He risked.
7. He obeyed.
8. He walked dusty streets, experienced hunger, and gave Himself away. Every day.
9. He defied the natural laws of physics. (Walking on water, anyone?)
10. He sees me in the darkest places.
11. He blessed the meek and those who longed for righteousness.
12. He wasn't staunchly religious, but He loved His Father.
13. He healed lepers, but more than that, He touched them.
14. He entrusted His mission to us. (How humbling).
15. He bore fruit and instructed us to do the same.
16. He did ordinary things--fished, ate, hung out, chatted.
17. He gave His life willingly, but struggled also.
18. He defeated sin and death and the devil's schemes.
19. He multiplied food.
20. He intercedes for us today, sitting at the right hand of the Father. I can think of no better intercessor.
21. He was the smartest genius who ever lived, but He told simple, yet profound stories.
22. He laughed.
23. He cried.
24. He got angry.
25. He thirsted.
26. He hungered.
27. He rebuked waves.
28. He embodied servant leadership.
29. He wasn't concerned for His own reputation, only the reputation of His Father.
30. He scared away screaming demons.
31. He gave words to the silenced.
32. He opened the ears of the deaf.
33. He caused the lame to walk and the blind to see.
34. He loved poor people.
35. He embodied, "It is more blessed to give than to receive."
36. He found me, healed me, set my feet on a rock.
37. He was irresistible.
    
38. He loved the crowds with compassion right down to each and every person.
39. He crossed over cultural barriers.
40. He empowered the weak.
41. He praised those who others would overlook.
42. He preached an upside down kingdom where the first are last, the last first.
43. He saw my utter neediness, my emptiness, and filled me full.
44. He became my Daddy when I had none.
45. He perplexed the proud.
46. He confounded those who were wise in their own eyes.
47. He helped widows.
48. He beautified everyday life.
49. He got blisters, I'm sure, as he walked the roads of Palestine. All for you and me.
50. He who made the earth and everything in it stooped to become a human so He could empathize with our weaknesses.

Oh, how I love Jesus. I bet you could count the ways, too. Feel free to add to this list. Maybe we could reach 100 today. Or 1000.

You're invited

Daisy Chain Book Launch Party!

Sunday March 1st, 3:00--5:00 p.m.
At Legacy Books in Plano
7300 Dallas Parkway
Plano, TX 75024

Come one, come all!

Win Southern novels!

Patricia Hickman is hosting southern writers this week on her blog. I'm the featured author today. If you want to know about possum stew and weather for your Sunday commute to church, stop on by. If you comment, you can win Southern novels, including Daisy Chain.

Got writing resolutions?

Hop on over to The Master's Artist for a lengthy (but readable) list on ways to keep up your resolutions for 2009. You can read it here.

Leading Women Who Wound

CONGRATULATIONS TO RACHEL THURMAN who won the book!

I'm thankful to have the authors of Leading Women Who Wound here today to chat with them about a much-needed, crucial book. If you are interested in winning this book, please comment in the comment section. You can visit Sue and Kelley's ministry website here.

Where did you get the idea for the book?

We write about issues that face women today—issues we have experienced: for example, working with men and learning to work through conflict and personal attacks. Our new book Leading Women Who Wound came out of excruciating experiences that we learned happen to many women when they work with other women. We could not find a book out there that really addressed these issues from a women’s perspective, so we wrote one.

What are the major themes of the book?

Personal attacks, difficult people, and conflict are inevitable in ministry. Whether you volunteer a few hours a week or work on full time staff, you won’t be the exception! But men and women perceive and process conflict differently. Finally, a book for women by women who have been there. Are you particularly vulnerable? Can you differentiate between constructive criticism and destructive attacks? Have you mastered the process Jesus taught his disciples? A practical comprehensive guide book, Women Who Wound and How to Lead Them will prepare you to thrive in conflict as you learn to disarm and love women who hurt you.

What kind of research did you have to do for the book?

I read everything I could find on the topic, drew on my own experiences, and interviewed women who had stories to share. I expected to look hard to find these women but when women asked what I was working on and I told them, many said, “Let me tell you what happened to me!”

What do you hope readers will take away from your book?

We hope they will prepare for personal attacks and conflict, becoming more direct in their communication styles and following Matthew 18 in their personal and ministry lives. Peacemaker ministry says there are 19,000 conflicts in churches every year and one in four ministers will either be fired or asked to leave their positions. Our goal is to lessen those stats as well as the heartache that results from managing conflict badly.

Stop by and visit their other tours:

A Little Bit of Sunshine
A Little Whine and Cheese
A Peek at My Bookshelf
Aspire2 Blog
Blog Tour Spot
Book Nook Club
Christy’s Book Blog
Destiny Driver
Fictionary
Gatorskunz and Mudcats
Janet Daughtry
Lighthouse Academy
Quiverfullfamily.com
Refresh My Soul
Relevant Blog
Sumballo
The Friendly Book Nook
The Journey of Writer Danica Favorite
They Hang Like Paper Lanterns

How do you move on?

I received this comment in one of my past blog posts, so I thought I'd address it.

Jocelyn writes: "It's just beyond me how God has restored you and the life you live for Him. this is one of my greatest areas of weakness...i've always battled so much with God over children and women getting hurt...i've hated men for a good part of my life though God has been so gracious to not let me encounter such pain myself.

Mary, how did you move on? How did you keep going before You knew Him and how did you get healed to the point of being able to spit at the devil? reading stories like yours make me cry, make me shudder with fear and disgust towards the people who do such things. i know God sees my sin the same way...yet I still struggle. i felt ill when i found out about your past (the same way i get sick in my guts when i hear similar stories) but i am so very glad you have been redeemed.

how can i make a difference to women who have been through something so traumatic and horrible without wanting to castrate every men i don't trust? how can i be an encouragement when my life has been so blessed that i sometimes feel so hypocritical and inadequate and wonder if I have to experience the same in order to be effective in ministry?"

*****

All I can say is one word: Jesus. He utterly rescued and healed me. As a victim of sexual abuse at five years old by older neighborhood boys, I'd carried that secret with me many years. It wasn't until I met Jesus that I became brave enough to let the secret out. And that's when the healing began. It continues today.

I can feel used very easily, and I have a deep insecurity about myself that has gotten better with age, but has been a very slow process. Sometimes it's hard for me to know, really know, that Jesus loves me.

The years of healing took a lot of vulnerability (probably too much at times). In college, I basically wept my way through, as many of the issues of childhood came to the forefront there. I had a great group of friends who laid hands on me in prayer and believed God was big enough to heal the wounded parts. He did a lot of healing during that time of my life.

I won't sugar coat the healing process, though. It's one of the most excruciating things a person can go through. I liken it to stepping into a dark tunnel. So few actually pursue their healing this way. (Remember that Jesus asked the paralytic, "Do you want to get well?" He made excuses and never answered Jesus. To pursue healing, it's an active choice. You have to WANT to). When you step into that dark tunnel, two things happen:

1. The movie of your life plays out before you in the darkness.
2. Jesus holds your hand as you watch the movie together.

But know that healing isn't a one-time event. Even today, a memory returned where I had to re-process some grief, give it back to Jesus, and ask Him to help me walk through it. The cliche is true: healing's like peeling an onion. The more layers you dig into, the more tears that come.

As to how you can help others who have been wounded, strive to listen. Ask great questions. Offer to pray. Earnestly seek healing with your friend and walk alongside her even when things seem overwhelmingly dark. There is a Redeemer, and He is in the business of healing and redemption. Trust that. Remind your friend. Believe. She will have greater impact on the Kingdom of God if she's brave enough to pursue the Healing Savior.

And, if you see abuse happening, do something about it. Don't reason it away. Make hard choices if you're concerned about a child.

I hope that answers your question, Jocelyn. Thanks for your comment, and may the Lord use you to heal many who suffer.

Romantic Recipe, and easy too

Today I'm over at the Hearts at Home blog with a recipe called Spaghetti a la Homer. Hop on over and check it out.

Daisy Chain and Family Secrets Touted

You can read the quick post over at BreakPoint if you're interested.

What I'm Thankful For

Thanks again for SoulPerSuit and Sandra Glahn for a terrific study on the Sermon on the Mount.

Prayer for the day

Dear Jesus,

I need You today. I need Your voice, Your touch, Your direction, Your inspiration. I lift up my writing life to You, letting You hold my words in the palm of Your hand.

There are days when I feel small and incapable, when the worries stiffen my neck. Today is one of those days. Be near, Jesus, because Your nearness makes me good.

I give You my relationships--the failed ones, the joyful ones, the confusing ones, the hope-filled ones, the complicated ones, the cherished ones. Make me a better wife, friend, mom, daughter, cousin, aunt, helper.

I rest my worries with You. Forgive me for fretting, for striving, for forgetting to trust. Make me into the kind of woman who runs after You, who buries her head in Your embrace when she's failed and sinned, who is quick to forgive. Deliver me from bitterness and grudges. Make me a woman of hope and grace. Keep me close to You.

I am small, Lord, but You are big. May I live in such a way that You appear bigger and I smaller. You are the splendid power within me. But sometimes I live as if I had to control everything. Help me relinquish my so-called control. My life is actually for You.

Thank You for rescuing me, for loving me, for pouring into my life, for forgiving me, for healing me. I am in awe of all You've done.

Amen.

Why I Write

My essay entitled "Why I Write" is live on Christian Fiction Online right now. If you're interested, hop on over. Thanks!

Daisy Chain Influencer Invitation

My next novel, Daisy Chain, releases March 1st. I’m looking for influencers to read and review the book, pass it on, share it with Oprah, slip it to Bono, etc. You can find out more about the book here.

Here are a couple endorsements:

Every now and then a book comes along that weaves its way into your soul and takes up residence. Daisy Chain is such a book. Heartbreaking. Hopeful. And peopled with unforgettable characters--Jed, Hixon, Bald Muriel, and the irrepressible Daisy--who wind their way into your heart and won't let go. Reminiscent of To Kill a Mockingbird, this book will leave a lasting mark on your heart and soul. Thank you, Mary DeMuth, for writing it.

Laura Jensen Walker, Author of Daring Chloe and Turning the Paige
Within a few paragraphs of Daisy Chain I found myself letting out a contented sigh. The story captured my attention from the first page, but more than that the writing has a melody to it. If words can lull one into a story, these did. Reminiscent of Peace Like a River only different, better.

Tricia Goyer, Author of ACFW Book of the Year winners Night Song and Dawn of a Thousand Nights

If you are interested, please email me (maryedemuth at sbcglobal dot net) with your full snail mail address, your name, and your email. Zondervan will send out the books soon. Thank you in advance for choosing to be a Daisy Chain influencer.

Aside: What is an influencer?

• Someone who reads a particular book, in this case Daisy Chain.
  
• If the person loves the book, he/she writes a review on Amazon, CBD.com, Barnesandnoble.com, etc. (You can write one and paste it everywhere, or simply write and post one review.)
• Buzz about the book. Tell your BFFs about it. And even your not so BFFs.
• Encourage your local bookstore or library to order the book.
• Offer to read the book in your book club. (I love to speak to book clubs via speaker phone).
• Twitter about it.
  
• Facebook it.
• Pass the book on to someone who may enjoy it.
• Blog about the book, perhaps giving it away as a prize. (If you're interested in doing a blog tour, email Tina at info@blogtourspot.com)
• Buy 100,000 copies to give away as gifts to all your friends. (This one is a joke...)
• Sing about the book in the shower. (Another joke.)
• Holler about the book when your windows are rolled down. (Last joke, I promise.)

Anyone interested? Email me at maryedemuth at sbcglobal dot net. Don't forget the E in maryEdemuth.

We're giving Aidan Water for His 13th Birthday

Many of your know about our son Aidan's desire to provide water for a small community in Northern Ghana. (If you're unfamiliar, watch the quick You Tube video above.) Last year he helped raise money for a well project there, but the company could not locate a reliable water source. The nearby municipality has agreed to create a pipeline from a nearby village to Sankpem, providing fresh water. The problem is, this costs $20,000.

Aidan will be thirteen on February 11th. For his birthday, we want to give him a unique gift: money and awareness for the pipeline project. Here's where you come in. There are several ways you can bless Aidan and the people of Sankpem.

• Donate securely and directly at International Hope and Heritage. Under project designation, click FRESH WATER.
  
• Join International Hope & Heritage's Facebook cause. If they have 1500 members join by February 9th, a donor will donate $1000 dollars. This is an easy way for you to "donate" without having to spend funds.
  
• Write a comment on this post letting us know how you'd like to help, so I can add you to the list of folks who are donating or joining the Facebook cause. (Or email me at maryedemuth at sbcglobal dot net)
• Link to this blog, or copy this information and send it to your friends who are passionate about water advocacy.

Thanks so much. And may the Lord provide beautifully for you this week.