Two dreams: injury and family life

I had two dreams butted up next to each other, kind of like commercials do these days where they do two spots for the same product, but run them concurrently.

Dream one: I needed to help my youngest with something. I can't remember what it was, since that's the nature of dreams, but I do know it was important. Only problem? I had a ten-inch long cut in my calf. It was deep. You could see the sinews and blood, all the way down to the bone. And I could clearly see infection (it was green goo), spreading throughout. I couldn't help my daughter. I couldn't even help myself.

Dream two: My three children needed me to go on an excursion with them. I tried to follow them, but I realized I couldn't get into my wheelchair (weird, of course, because I can walk just fine). I tried to get in, but it kept rolling away.

I woke up with a strong sense that these two dreams meant something. What if I am way too injured to love my kids, to interact? To walk alongside them?

I sense God doing more breaking in me, more surgery, but I also sense attack coming. (Someone cut my leg. Something outside of me caused infection. Someone kept the wheelchair away from me.)

So please pray for me. Pray for protection for me, my family, my heart. Pray I'd be secure in Jesus, strong in Him, resting in His unending, perfect, amazing love. Sometimes I'd like to think myself strong, but really I'm just needy. Attack hurts, whatever form it takes. My heart, though, is to weather any trial well, and in the process, love my family through it.

Face to Face versus modem to modem

I had a good talk with a friend recently. She's an author, and we were talking about the load we bear. She said something like, "I try to limit my time online so that I can spend actual time with the physical people in my life--face to face."

Her words touched me, wormed their way into my heart. I fear I spend too much time with cyber friends than actual friends. That I minister via email more than bringing food, or praying in person. Of course it didn't always used to be that way.

Part of it is marketing my books. I work hard at creating an online presence here for the purpose of marketing. And since I'm here, I field a lot of emails and communications with lots of folks. I pray that my interactions in cyberspace are encouraging to others. But even so, it's not a substitute for loving others who are directly in front of me.

Do you struggle with a virtual life versus a real, human life? What do you do to connect better with people? Unplug? Take a walk with friends? Stop?

I want to make an eternal impact on this earth. Is that even possible on the internet? Have I been duped to think that ministering online is some sort of substitute for ministering in person? I don't have the answers, just lots of questions.

A Saul Writer?

"Samuel said, 'Why then did you not obey the voice of the Lord, but rushed upon the spoil and did what was evil in the sight of the Lord?'

Then Saul said to Samuel, 'I did obey the voice of the Lord, and went on the mission on which the Lord sent me . . . " (1 Samuel 15: 19-20).

I read this passage with holy trepidation. What if I am Saul? What if I value the spoils more than the Lord? What if I chase after that which satisfies in the moment and miss obeying the voice of the Lord. As a writer, there are many times I face temptation. Times when I could write a certain book I know would sell (but wouldn't be "me"). Or times I could take a writing job for the prestige. Or times I simply manage my own career, taking jobs without first listening to the voice of God.

And, like Saul, I can be self-deceived. I can think, Hey, I'm writing Christian books, so I am on the mission on which the Lord sent me. And yet, I can be just as deceived in that thinking as Saul was when he didn't fully obey God's instructions during war time.

The voice of the Lord should be my strong tower. It should lead me. Guide me. And, truly, I want to heed it. But as I progress in my "career," the stress of it all caves around me. The voices out there holler, drowning out God's clear guidance.

And I reach for that which will temporarily satisfy.

Lord, I pray You'd make me a David writer. One who fails, yes, but then runs full speed into Your arms, to hear Your voice. I don't want to listen to the clamoring noise around me. I don't want to take on projects out of greed, or fear, or pride. I want to hear Your voice, to value it above my own ambitions. Teach me humility, Jesus. I lay my career in Your capable hands right now. Take me. Take my words. Do with them what You will.

WW2 adventure! Comment to win a book!

This book was provided for review by the Litfuse Publicity Group.

Cool thing:

I met Mike when we lived in France. He and his family came over for dinner. Later in our time in France, he invited our family to dine at his place in the Swiss Alps. So much fun!

Tricia and I met at a writers conference. This year we had the privilege of rooming together at Mount Hermon. So much fun!

Put these two amazing folks together, and you get a really good read.

My review:

What I love about The Swiss Courier is its gutsy heroine Gabi. Willing to take risks for the higher good, yet vulnerable—Gabi is a wonderful portrayal of the tender strength of womanhood. Add that to a twisting plot, the raging of World War II, and kindling love and you have an enjoyable read.

BUY THE BOOK here.

About the book!

It is August 1944 and the Gestapo is mercilessly rounding up suspected enemies of the Third Reich. When Joseph Engel, a German physicist working on the atomic bomb, finds that he is actually a Jew, adopted by Christian parents, he must flee for his life to neutral Switzerland. Gabi Mueller is a young Swiss-American woman working for the newly formed American Office of Strategic Services (the forerunner to the CIA) close to Nazi Germany. When she is asked to risk her life to safely "courier" Engel out of Germany, the fate of the world rests in her hands. If she can lead him to safety, she can keep the Germans from developing nuclear capabilities. But in a time of traitors and uncertainty, whom can she trust along the way? This fast-paced, suspenseful novel takes readers along treacherous twists and turns during a fascinating--and deadly--time in history.

About the authors:

Tricia Goyer is the author of several books, including Night Song and Dawn of a Thousand Nights, both past winners of the ACFW's Book of the Year Award for Long Historical Romance. Goyer lives with her family in Montana. To find out more visit her website: www.triciagoyer.com

Mike Yorkey is the author or coauthor of dozens of books, including the bestselling Every Man's Battle series. Married to a Swiss native, Yorkey lived in Switzerland for 18 months. He and his family currently reside in California.To find out more visit his website: www.MikeYorkey.com

Please leave a comment if you'd like a chance to win the book. (My able assistant--one of my kids--will draw names).

Meeting Hixon

(picture credit: from the National Archives)

I met him the other day, my character Hixon. He weighed a little more than I expected, but his face, his eyes--this was him.

He made eye contact. He served. He smiled, but not overly so. His position seemed lowly, but I envisioned his influence in his place of work.

I touched his elbow, to garner attention for a second. "Thank you for serving us," I told him. "I appreciate it."

He smiled, as Hixons are apt to do. "Thanks," he said.

Leaving Hixon that day, I realized something about my existence lately. I've been awfully isolated behind this desk, quite insulated from Hixons and Muriels and Emorys. I've not muddied myself in relationships, a bit overwhelmed at time pressures. But meeting "Hixon" made me want to embrace all folks, wherever I find them along my day. To get out of my house to see other people God created in His image. To love well. To risk loss.

My way of fighting back

We received this in our mailbox today.

Background: My husband sits on the back porch with our dog for an hour each night (around 7:00 PM). He does bark as people walk by, but it's during the time most people wouldn't be bothered. Pippin is NEVER left outside. He sits inside with me.

So this is what our anonymous neighbor sent:

The city has an animal noise ordinance. Sec. 5-21 states: "It shall be considered unlawful and a public nuisance to keep any animals which, by causing frequent or long continued barking or noise shall disturb any persons of ordinary sensibilities in the vicinities."

You leave your barking dog out to yap at every car that goes by. And you just sit out there watching it bark. Regardless, there is an Ordinance. My next step is to lodge a formal complaint with the city, after which you will begin to receive citations and fines, increasing each time I submit a complaint. Your dog--your problem.

An angry neighbor.

******
I'm back.

Here's the thing. Are we so litigious these days that we can't walk over to someone's house and say, "Hey, it bugs me when your dog barks. Let's talk about this." Instead we have to threaten? Anonymously?

If we had a dog who stayed outside all day and night that barked incessantly, this would make sense to me. But it doesn't. And having a "neighbor" go at this in this manner just makes me sad and frustrated. To put an anonymous note in my mailbox is cowardly and mean spirited.

If my neighbor is reading this: Why can't we simply talk about this over the fence?

Beautiful review of A Slow Burn

This review comes from Christina Severinghaus.

This is the second book of fiction that I have read written by Mary DeMuth. Just like the first one, Daisy Chain, this one A Slow Burn kept me up all night, I simply could not put it down. Her character development is amazing, the descriptions of Defiance so real, I immediately feel transported to this slow town in hot Texas. I can almost hear the dialogues and the scents, sounds, the wind, the heat from the fire are so vivid, I truly feel I am right there and not in the comfort of my little house in CA. Mary has a way with words that make them jump off the page and become alive. It is a delight to read such well written work.

I do not read a lot of fiction as most is so formulaic, and half way through the book I can usually predict the ending, not with Mary DeMuth’s fiction. Her characters are not black and white, good and evil, but a little of both and many shades of gray, much like most of humanity. I can easily identify, although reluctantly, with Jed, Hap, Emory, and Ousie, all of whom I share experiences and feelings with. The only one I wished I could identify with is Hixon but if I am truly honest with myself I have a long way to go to be like him. Although this is fiction, it forced me to think, to reflect, to readjust, to reconsider and redirect – all the while keeping me at the edge of my seat as I followed the lives of the people in Defiance. Mary DeMuth shows that there is hope, there is redemption, and there is grace in this fallen world.

This is a book that will force the reader to think, it will challenge common wisdom and conventions and it will vividly depict the immense and incredible love of Jesus. There is only one problem with this book, that the third book is not available yet. I cannot wait to learn what will happen to my friends in Defiance.

What it takes to be a master writer

I share the "secret" of writing success over at Michael Hyatt's blog today. He's the CEO of Thomas Nelson. Let me know what you think. How many hours have you tallied?

Watch Over Me by Christa Parrish

I truly fell in love with the struggling characters in Watch Over Me, a novel about loss, need, soul damage, and relationships that heal. Christa Parrish knows how to draw a reader into a complex, emotional, but not overwrought story. Her subtlety is superb. She entices the reader with just enough to want more, painstakingly unfolding the story.

Watch over Me opens with a marriage in crisis, a PTSD former soldier struggling with unruly emotions and his peace-loving wife. Distance defines them. When the husband, now a police officer, finds an abandoned baby and brings her home to foster, the fissures in their marriage widen. Woven into that relationship is a deaf teenage boy who desperately needs a family. I loved this book. Loved the characters. Loved everything about it.

I received this great advice from a friend re: circles

I received this piece of great advice from Karen Rabbitt, author of Trading Fathers. She's given me permission to post it.

Hi Mary,

Re: nourishing yourself while nourishing others.

First, I applaud the humility that prompts you to ask for advice. That shows a recognition of your own limits. That understanding, of course, is the foundation of staying balanced.

As a psychotherapist for many years, I had to learn to keep boundaries lest I be pulled into my client's deep pain and struggles. It's a hard thing to learn, especially when we are in positions where we are admired. Coming from emotional neglect, I love to be admired, so that's a weak spot for me. I'm guessing you might identify.

A couple of thoughts that have helped me:

1. Know those emotional weak spots. You've written about knowing one's vulnerabilities regarding sexual temptations. Also ask God for understanding about other vulnerabilities. Be very self-aware. Don't let old/primitive emotional needs be met in unhealthy/sinful ways.

2. An image God gave me once: Both I and my client ride a horse. We ride along together for an hour a week in session, but I don't get on her horse, nor do I allow her to get on mine. When the time allotted is over, we go our separate ways until the next time. God provides/God is the horse...who will lead her and support her. We entrust our clients/readers/followers to Him.

Bless you,

Karen

Skin and Soul

Unfortunately, I grew up thinking that if I had worth, it had to do with how I looked. I wish that weren't the case, but I believed it. But I wasn't a cute kid, hardly one you'd look at and say, "Wow, she's striking." I was homely, needy, and thin. I had dark circles under my eyes. (Vestiges of that still clings to me today, so I use concealer).

Regardless of how I felt, sometime around puberty, attention came. That astounds me now, as I was gangly and terribly awkward. And I started that dance of fear, of longing for a daddy and looking for him on the face of boys my age. All I really wanted was for someone to hug me and say, "Everything will be okay." I did not want to be kissed. Or looked at. Just held.

And yet, I needed attention. Relished it. As I grew into myself in late high school and college, the male attention continued. I spent time primping and flirting. I longed for a look, a hint of interest.

But I was so damaged back then, I couldn't receive love. I relied on my looks to receive love, yet I couldn't allow any man access to my heart, so terrified I was to be known, and then hurt.

Today I am loved deeply by a man who is handsome and amazing and smart and deep and spiritual. I revel in that. And yet, I still mourn losing my looks to age. How uncanny is that? I should be embracing the wisdom that comes with age, the beauty of growing a more beautiful soul (thanks to Jesus' interaction with my life). But I think there's still that little girl inside me, equating my worth with how I look. And as I age, I'm afraid.

Will I be loved? Will I have worth?

Dear Jesus, help me to embrace age. To be okay in my own skin. To equate worth with how You see me, not what I see in the mirror. Rejuvenate my heart today. Make my soul beautiful. Help me to see that skin is simply the outer covering to what is truly beautiful inside--You working in and through me. Forgive me for equating my worth to my own looks, for worrying about getting old. Help me today to be okay with who I am in this moment, wildly loved by You. Amen.

Really sweet book

A Perfect Gift for Those Who Want to Deepen Their Faith, October 9, 2009

Celtic Treasure by Liz Babbs is truly a treasure. Beautiful photos, inspiring poetry, and quotes from Celtic thinkers make this a book I'd love to give to friends who want to deepen their understanding of Celtic Christianity. What made the book particularly meaningful to me was the references to Saint Aidan, since our son bears that name. I also appreciate the author's insertion of her own thoughts and poetry throughout the book. If you're looking for a meaningful, beautiful gift, pick up Celtic Treasure.

Circles

I've been thinking a lot in my little bits of spare time about circles. God places people around us in varying ways. I particularly am fond of this verse: "But now God has placed the members, each one of them, in the body, just as He desired" (1 Corinthians 12:18). I love that He's placed me in my church, with my group of friends, within our Life Group (Sunday School class), in the circle of my family, in the boundary of our town. That's His beautiful doing, His way of creating circles.

But I'm a little overwhelmed by what seems to be a proliferation of circles in my life. The Internet, in all its prowess to market my books (see this for a powerful example), is expanding me beyond that stretchable mom on The Incredibles. Unlike her, I fear I could snap, not bend back.

Here's how I see my circles:

• Me and Jesus
• My marriage
• My three children
• Church
• My extended family
• Our Life Group and friends related to it (30+)
  
• Our circle of local friends
• Our circle of national and international friends
• My leadership role as the owner of The Writers View (1500+ folks)
• My web presence (blogs, facebook, twitter, website) This one's hard to measure (probably 8,000 folks, but I don't interact one on one).
• My local writer's group (15-20 people)
  
• Other affiliations and groups (represents hundreds of folks)
• My leadership role at The Writing Spa (mentoring clients)
• Those I mentor as God leads (writing)
• Life Sentence, my critique group (me + 2)
  
• The Discipleship Group of Junior girls (7)
• Teaching 6th grade girls (20+)
• My home circle (represents no people, but some animals and a house that begs to be cleaned)
• Speaking ministry (hard to measure, but sometimes my speaking results in new relationships).

I don't list these circles to brag or show how important I am. I'm keenly aware of upside down principles of Jesus' kingdom. The first will be last. The most important will follow the least important. I share them to illustrate my own frustration, worry, and feeling of deep humility. Why would God entrust this to me? I am so small. And I often don't know how to balance all these circles. They intersect. They clamor for attention.

I'm reminded of the beauty of Dr. Richard Swenson's words in his excellent book Margin. He talks about Jesus who focused on His Father, and then did what He saw His Father doing. He didn't carry a Daytimer. He didn't look beyond folks who had needs, trying to strain his neck for the next person. He concentrated on the person in front of him, gave the person His eyes.

I fear I let the circles distract me from people.

And sometimes, although it's hard to admit, I feel drained by the needs of so many. I simply can't help everyone. I can't fill others when I'm limping along in exhaustion.

I do understand how important it is to understand calling. I am called to be a good wife, an excellent, loving parent, an attentive friend. I am called to write. Of course, I'm called to love Jesus passionately. But beyond that, what?

There's a sad parable I heard once about a starving baker. He spent so much time baking bread for his village that he'd wake up earlier and earlier to make bread. He gave it freely to so many, more and more each day. And yet the villagers noticed something peculiar. The baker's clothes hung on his emaciated frame. The one who made fat the village was himself starving.

I don't want to become a starving baker. I'm guessing you don't want to either. Here's where you come in. Advise me.

• What would you do?
  
• What do you do to create boundaries?
  
• How do you order your life to get proper nourishment?
  
• How do you see your circles?
  
• Do you get overwhelmed?
• What has helped?

Thank you for reading this long post. I appreciate it. And I await God's wisdom through you.

Need a website?

If you've reviewed A Slow Burn, enter your review here to win a free website and photo package from Tekeme Studios. Amazing opportunity! Find out more here.

Connecting! (My "secret" to marketing?)

Recently a friend said to me, "Mary, you're truly gifted at bringing people together." I smiled. What an amazing compliment! I do love to gather folks. I love creating and fostering community in all sorts of different ways. I love for people to meet other fascinating people.

After my daughter read The Tipping Point for class, she told me, "Mom, you're a connector." I sensed I might be after I read Gladwell's words. He asserts connectors are the people who "link us up with the world . . . people with a special gift for bringing the world together . . . a handful of people with a truly extraordinary knack for making friends and acquaintances."

Although I struggled as a child in social situations, feeling small and awkward at times, God saw fit to deeply heal those insecurities enough to help me look beyond myself, to notice others, to see a friend who had a need and connect her to another friend who could fill that need. Recently my friend Ashley wrote, "One more thing ... you are the queen of networking queens. Do you know anyone who plays the Cello? Of course you do! You are Mary DeMuth, queen of the networking queens!"

I don't write this to draw attention to my networking or connecting prowess. There are many of you reading this who share the same gifts. But here is what I'm learning. This God-given connecting trait is not one that automatically helps me succeed as a writer. It's more of a gradual, piece by relational piece building.

And I'm finally seeing some fruit after years and years of connecting, networking, talking, interacting, and bringing folks together. The Lord reminded me of this yesterday as A Slow Burn launched. On the day of the launch, Amazon boasted 45 reviews. I've never seen that happen before. I believe the myriad reviews aren't a result of some fluke. I am guessing it's a combination of the years of work I've done behind the literary scenes doing two things:

1. Learning the ins and outs of writing well.
2. Learning the ins and outs of loving people well.

Again, I truly don't want to make this post a lovefest for Mary. But what I do want to do is encourage those of you who feel your own particular style of marketing and promotion is unseen. It may be. But with perseverance and diligence, over years, your efforts will eventually pay off. Just don't give up. Keep connecting your friends to each other. Keep listening to folks. Keep doing little things that don't seem to add up. Keep on your own you-shaped path, even if it doesn't look flashy or markety. Be you. Every day. And trust that God will bless the works of your hands.