Probably.
Are you?
It's probably why I wanted to be a singer as a kid, longing for that "You did a good job" at the end of a performance. It's probably why I exhausted myself for all those A grades in high school and college. Why I tried to be the "perfect" mommy and wife. Why I write for others to read.
There's a little hole in me that can't seem to be filled.
And yet, I'm growing up. I'm learning to receive praise like it's a truffle--lovely to digest in a moment, but not sustenance for life. I'm learning to let Jesus fill those needy parts of me. Letting the praise from others bounce off my soul a bit so I can absorb Jesus' life-filled words first.
I'm just so thankful He loves me. He validates me. He affirms me. He sends snippets of praise my way. Alleluia!
13 comments:
yes, yes, yes!
God began a new work in my heart a few years ago. Out of that I began painting. Sometimes when I show them I feel like a little girl coming home and saying, "Look what I did, look what I did". I did not get much affirmation as a child. I know that people's praise cannot fill the void, but I still yearn for it. But as you said, "I'm growing up." Into his love, his acceptance, HIM.
BTW, I am 53. It has taken many years for me to see this.
I loved your book, "Thin Places" Mary. Now I want to read your others! :)
Have a great day!!
I often live here. God is trying to move me.
~ Wendy
Thank you for this, Mary. I struggle with this too much. God is SLOWLY teaching me. I often wish He'd take His magic wand and "cure" me.
Yeah, I struggle with this too. But it's so weird because public attention freaks me out (like if I write a poem or something for church, it's a great experience. But if my pastor credits me, I want to crawl under the bleachers!) I think what I really long for is appreciation from a distance, while I deal with my insecurities. I don't want anyone to know I don't think I'm good enough. Sigh - why is that? God is surely working on me about it. And since I quit my job to start my own writing/editing service - I kind of have to believe I'm good enough! I like what you said - enjoy it as a truffle but don't be dependent on a steady supply of it.
Oh, how I struggle in this area. Sometimes I think I'm my own worst enemy - "you'll never be good enough", "you can't do that, etc". Perhaps that is why I often crave recognition and praise from others.
But God is doing a work in me - He is patient.
Thank you Mary for sharing this.
You are certainly not alone. I'm the same...I've always wanted to be a speaker, and I think that's a good part of why...desiring public affirmation. I completely resonate with the "little hole in me that can't seem to be filled". I too am still working on what I do being for my "Audience of One". It's a journey.
Thank you, Mary. Well said and OH! so true. I appreciate your willingness to be authentic and vulnerable. It is refreshing and a delight. Finding oursleves fully secure in the One who made us and numbers our days is the loveliest place to be, and the safest. Your words are a timely reminder.
I RECENTLY FOUND OUT ABOUT YOUR BOOKS.JUST FINISHED DAISY CHAIN AND YOUR PERSONAL LIFE TESTIMONY.
THANK YOU FOR YOUR WORDS TODAY AND FOR USING YOUR TRANSPARANCY TO BE A VESSEL OF HIS LOVE.
I know it is my weakness. I am learning to get past it, but it's not easy. :)
"i wonder if I'm a validation junkie. An affirmation addict. A praise nerd. Probably. Are you?"
YES! I'm thankful He is teaching me the same lesson of eating it as a truffle. Thanks for the great imagery & encouragement.
Everyone wants to be validated. To go through abuse, rejection, abandonment as a child makes one more vulnerable to be validated. The ultimate goal is to be accepting of God's validation. We all work on that, I think.
Praise as a truffle! I love it. Thanks, Mary, that's really helpful.
Love the truffle analogy! I am being broken of the people pleasing tendency within me and now I am daily seeking to have God fill that empty hole.
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