Today I received constructive feedback from something I participated in. I should've known better than to open the file. But I did. And now I'm lost in unworthiness.
Yes, there were nice things folks wrote. Some positive comments. But my mind doesn't stay on those. It clings to everything awful, to the cutting remarks. I'm not sure why I'm this way, and I do wish I were different. Criticism makes me cringe. It makes me want to cry. This is what I hear: "You're not worth being here."
Of course I know that's not true. Jesus paid so much for me, for you, for the people who penned those critical words. Jesus helps me to remember to be gentle on my critiques, to sand away the snide, to think of constructive words. And when I receive them? I should place them in His hands. After all, He received the harshest rebukes. Some folks even called him the devil.
I'm not saying I'm Jesus and that I am above criticism. Lord knows I have a lot to learn in every single area of my life. But it helps me somehow to know He understands what it feels like to be criticized. And that He gave those over to His Father. It comforts me to know Jesus was fully human as well as fully God, that He suffered the same temptations I've suffered. That He knew how to walk through criticism with grace.
Lord, I'm feeling as small as can be today. Ready to cry, ready to throw in the proverbial towel. But as I pray this, as I hold those words of critique close to my heart, I realize there are others out there reading this going through much deeper trials, much sadder days. Lift their heads as You lift mine. Help us all to see Your beauty in the devastation of the day. Help us see You in the midst. Thank You for Your life, for walking this earth as a man, yet triumphing so beautifully. Touch us, please. Amen.
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14 comments:
I hear you, Mary. Harsh criticism has paralyzed me at times. Without God, it would be impossible to start moving again. Hang in there, girl!
Your identity is not found (nor has it ever been)in the finite opinions/observations/critiques
compliments/praise of mortal dust-particulars commonly referred to as humans/aka women.
In HIM we live, move, and have our being. You know this but how often we need to be reminded; especialy in relation to pouring ourselves and our stories out to seeming rejection.
Speak truth. It is all you can do, Mary. Speak truth. The wounds of a friend can be life...a woman--a stranger who summarizes your "calling" your "message" your "ministry" in the span of 60-minutes during a highly emotional event, well, not so much.
Speak truth.
Believe the Truth of who He says you are in Him.
Dismiss that which does not build up and perfect the refining process which HE alone is ultimately faithful to complete.
I love what Julie wrote, "Dismiss that which does not build up and perfect the refining process which He alone is ultimately faithful to complete."
And you know, Mary, when I read this post, all I could think about was this: My, what a beautiful writer (and soul) she is.
One of my favorite prayers I pray, I borrowed from David the Psalmist: May all who fear YOU find in me a cause for joy, for I have put my trust in You.
If they fear God and they have something constructive to say, I definitely want to hear it. If they have no fear of God, their comments don't get to go into my soul.
But even so, I entrust myself fully, to God alone. And no one else.
Love you, friend.
Mary, I love you for loving our Lord so much, and for always turning to him in times of pain. As you know, I struggle with criticism too and wanting to give up. Thank you for the prayer you wrote and for the comfort you've given me today through your writing.
I'm so thankful. So thankful.
Thank you Julie, Julie, Susie and Connie for such encouraging, wise, true words.
I needed every one.
The only criticism I take well is when it's constructive and what is being criticized is an area I know I need work and then sometimes that is hard.
I found though, that when negative criticism comes, it stirs old thoughts/memories, which have told me "you're an unworthy person" or "you don't measure up." I learned young that to be accepted meant you performed well. If you did not perform well then obviously you were not measuring up. I've remedy this problem in me by learning first to except the "whole me" the good and the bad--the places that do not measure up to some illogical misconceived standard I've placed on my self. I am my worst enemy!
When I realize that I need to love the unpleasant, the not perfect side of me, I find that I am neglecting myself. My not-so-perfect self needs love and acceptance and really I'm the only one who can give it. So I choose to love the "whole" me, good and bad, because God does. He remembers we are dust and his love for us is abounding and from everlasting to everlasting.
I've also learned it's not about what I do or do not do...God's lavished love is the same for me no matter what. I'm learning to be a frog on a lily pad,or better yet a lump of clay, which is being molded my the loving hands of the Master. I'm learning to be happy to "being" who I am regardless of what someone may think or say.
I think to overcome negative criticism we must learn to love the places where the criticism strikes the hardest. And know that those places have (and can) helped to build our character.
Look at the criticism with a new set of eyes and find strength in knowing only one view point matters anyways, and you know who that is!!!
On the road with you, sister!
Harsh words or criticism can sting no matter how few in comparison to the many that cheer you on. All I know is that when I read your words, I feel inspired by your honesty and I see Jesus in what you write and you are walking with grace as well. Praying for you.
Mary, thank you so much for your open, tender heart. You are so right in saying that the words you suffered are not really true.
I do not quite understand those who are so sharp-tongued; yet, I know God loves them, too. I have to admit, though, I am just like you in my response to them - hurt, and deeply so. I always try to be strong, but rejection really gets to me. It is one of my many weaknesses.
I pray the Lord will lift you up and encourage your heart. He loves you, and He is pained by your tears and grief.
To be honest, I have not visited your blog in a while. I've been so occupied with other earthly matter. But I am very glad I've come here this evening, for as I write, I sense God's precious love for you, and it is very deep and beautiful. (Please don't think I'm strange for saying that; I'm just being honest.)
Take care, and keep holding to His hem.
Andrea
Oh, i feel ya, Mary--i'm the same way. 30 people in a room can be smiling, but i'll see and remember the 1 who looks disapproving.
Some people just like having the power to rudely say their piece, like being able to put it on paper gives it truth or value. Pshaw.
Sorry it hurts you, i know it would me too. YOU, however, have a sweet, loving, ministering heart and will never understand folks who cut because they can.
Thanks for your vulnerability.
I realized that even with people who love me, I take things personally. I especially overreact to "constructive criticism" because it never feels constructive to me. So I know how you feel.
Shrug it off. Let it go. Jesus thinks you rock.
You're not alone sister...I've always been that way too. Mine comes from having a perfectionist as a father...nothing that I ever did was "good" enough. Things always had to be corrected, Science projects always "re-done"...etc. It's still that way. Only now, it still hurts to some degree, but I look to my Heavenly Father..."Is this what you wanted?" I ask Him. "Does this meet your approval?" ALL my work is for the Lord...not "men."
There are two words from God here that come to mind:
"...Whatever may be your task, work at it heartily (from the soul), as [something done] for the Lord and not for men, knowing [with all certainty] that it is from the Lord [and not from men] that you will receive the inheritance which is your [real] reward. [The One Whom] you are actually serving [is] the Lord Christ (the Messiah)..." Colossians 3: 23-24
This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same testings we do, yet he did not sin. 16 So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most. Hebrews 4:15-17
Praying for you always Mary,
Cherie
Mary, I, too, am very affected by criticism, and I think it's very tied to how I grew up. My father was particularly critical of me. It's taken years for me to realize it was more about him than about anything I had done. But this has been a very freeing revelation. Still, my tolerance for criticism is not that high, having received so much as a child. I really need lots of positive words in my live to make up for the years of criticism. But...I've also learned that constructive criticism, when coming from a trusted source and balanced with encouraging words, can be very helpful. The trick is in the balancing with encouragement.
If you are at ALL referring to your talk at EPA, then forget the criticism. It was refreshing to hear you challenge us to open our souls to our readers. You did that in your talk! Thanks for that.
Wayne, thank you so much! I appreciate your kind comments!
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