And sometimes I taste life beyond the matrix of everyday life. I read a post by a friend about learning to live with less, and I'm humbled afresh that I worry about my "too much."
Always, He calls me deeper, higher, wider than comfort. Often He speaks to my soul, beckoning me beyond the mundane toward relationship and trust.
Today Oswald Chambers reminded me of the true life God wants. "It is much easier to do something than to trust in God; we mistake panic for inspiration."
I've been living in that place of panic for several months. I've taken panic into myself, digested it, then produced more work and more to-do lists than humanly possible. Has that frenetic activity helped me rise above the thorns? No. Instead, trapped in myself and worry, I've settled into the thorns, let them have their way. And I'm bleeding.
Again Oswald slays me: "We would far rather work for God than believe in Him."I prefer activity over trust. Do you? And yet, belief and trust in Jesus should be the hallmark of my life. Why do I think I can solve all my problems merely by hard work, relegating God to the background? He is that splendid power within, but I forget so easily. I prefer cultivating my own splendid power.
"The degree of panic is the degree of the lack of personal spiritual experience." Oswald, please say no more! How long have I panicked instead of prayed?
And yet, there is hope for little me. My petals still splay in worship to the Son, and He causes growth despite my frail worries. Panic won't grow me; He does. My plans will burn into ash, but His will flourish. Because He is God. And I am not.
