For years I’ve been convinced that the phrase “money can’t buy happiness” was just something poor people said to make themselves feel better. You know, like the homely girl in high school who always said, “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder” or the football player who insisted that he was “street-smart”.
Well, apparently, the money can’t buy happiness mantra is half-true. New studies out of Cornell University have revealed that investing in things (like video games or TVs or cars) doesn’t provide satisfaction…but investing in experiences (like bungee jumping or a trip to Six Flags or tickets to a Broadway show) does.
Personally, this makes sense. Other than my first bicycle and the original Nintendo, I don’t remember a single Christmas gift I got as a kid. But I vividly remember our family trip to Disney World and our regular vacations in the Rocky Mountains. I don’t remember what my co-workers gave me for my 27th birthday, but I sure do recall jumping out of that airplane two days later. I don’t remember any of the wedding gifts my wife and I received, but I can picture our honeymoon spot as if we were there yesterday.
I don’t know about you but, when reading research like this, I always ask myself two questions:
- Why is this the case?
- Why should I care?
The first question can be answered by Cornell professor of psychology (and co-publisher of the study) Tomas Gilovich. He says, "Your experiences are inherently less comparative, they're less subject to and less undermined by invidious social comparisons. Things like a new material purchase make us happy initially, but very quickly we adapt to it, and it doesn't bring us all that much joy.”
In non-Ivy League vernacular, the professor is saying that buying a new couch or shirt or shower curtain eventually leads us to second-guessing ourselves. We start wondering if we should have gotten a better deal, or a different color or the style that our best friend has. The story we told ourselves before the purchase (about what how amazing this new item would make us feel) quickly morphs with reality, leaving us with the stuff, but without the story.
Experiences are different. Paying for a hot air balloon ride leaves a lasting memory that can’t easily be compared to someone else’s experience. The memories are ours and ours alone…and, often, they get better with time. In a nutshell, experiences give us the stuff first, and the story later.
So, why should I (and why should you) care?
Well, as a writer, I’ve found that it’s easy to compare my stuff with other writer’s stuff. He sold 100,000 copies of his book. She signed a three book deal with Harvest House. That cover looks better than mine. Their agent has better publishing contacts. Etc. Essentially, I’ve told myself a story about what having these things would be like, forgetting that, if and when I ever reach those benchmarks, the story will be over. Over time, I’ll likely look back at my achievements as disappointments, because they didn’t live up to the naïve, made-up narrative in my head.
I’ve decided instead to let each phase of my writing journey be an experience. Signing with my agent will be a lasting memory for me. So will agreeing to my first-ever book contract last month. While there will always be someone with a bigger and better publishing deal, these memories (and those still to come) are mine and mine alone…never to be compared against anyone else’s.
It’s true…happiness can’t be found in stuff. But it can be found in stories. Just make sure you put them in the right order.
About Tim: Tim Sinclair is a radio personality, blogger and soon-to-be author with a passion for real and relevant discussions on faith. His first book, tentatively titled Re-Marketing Jesus, is due out in April of 2011 from Kregel Publications. You can find him on Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/wbgltim), follow him on Twitter (@timjsinclair), or visit him at his website (http://www.tim-sinclair.com).
