The Simple Cure for Pride: See Yourself as a Servant

 picture credit, mine. Mount Hermon 2009

I remember emailing author Randy Alcorn after my first Mount Hermon (a Christian writers conference in California). I asked him about how he handled fame. Prior to the conference, something deeply supernatural happened to me. A flurry of memories came back to me, painful parts throughout my life. I said to the Lord, "I've endured a lot of trials." 

He responded, "Yes, you have. But will you withstand the hardest one? Will you withstand the trial of notoriety?"

Those words echoed through me that first Mount Hermon. It's the conference that turned my trajectory from wannabe writer to soon-to-be-published writer. So when I came away from the conference with an agent, I wrote Randy. His assistant was kind to send me back some of the things he wrote about notoriety. This one stuck with me:

“Focus on being a servant. Ask yourself, ‘How can I serve in any situation, whether it be . . . with a taxi driver, flight attendant, waitress, etc. Think of what you can do for that person. It’s not about you; it’s about the Lord. This gets your mind off yourself and onto another person. The greatest danger of notoriety is you start thinking about you. People then exist to serve you. This is exactly the opposite of the servant mentality. Jesus came to serve, not to be served.”

Any sort of "fame" any of us receives is for the sole purpose of building others up, of serving those God places in our lives. And beyond that, if we think of ourselves as simply servants who serve a Master, we won't mire ourselves in pride. Consider these verses:

"Does the servant get special thanks for doing what is expected of him? It's the same with you. When you've done everything expected of you, be matter-of-fact and say, 'The work is done. What we were told to do, we did." Luke 17:10 MSG. 


It's that simple. When people thank me for writing a book or an article or a blog, I tell myself to simply say thanks. And then in my mind, I realize I'm just stewarding the gift God's given me. I'm doing what He's told me to do. No fanfare. No parades. Just simple obedience.


All this to say, I still struggle with notoriety. I push down pride. I fret too much about my career. And there are times I like the seats of prominence (I say this to my shame). But I'm learning, just like you are, that there's more to life than being recognized. And if, by chance, I'm recognized, Jesus makes it clear that any position just gives a broader base to serve.

Wielding Words as Weapons on the Web

This post has been on my mind for a long time. Maybe I was afraid to share myself so starkly, or expose my pettiness. I've worked through all that (at least in this moment) so here goes:

I believe God entrusts us with words. And if we wield them in a public way, we have a greater responsibility to share them wisely. If one has been given a gift, much will be required.

So it's with sadness that I recount a few of my own stories as cautionary tales.

Many, many years ago before I was published, I edited and produced a church newsletter. In addition, during that time, we sent out regular support letters for our upcoming adventure in seminary (not for me, but for my husband). I had a conflict with a dear friend, and I chose to write about it in a masked but pretty obvious way in the support letter. Yikes! Of course my friend kindly asked me about it. Horrified that she figured out my little tirade, I apologized profusely and tucked the lesson away in my mind. Don't publicly share a vendetta! Just say no!

Then, in the blush of publication when I had a book contract or two, I shared some of my pet peeves with Christian books, not thinking a snitch how this might be taken, or how it would hurt others. Lesson number two: be careful and think through your criticism. This is a small business, and your crabby tone will be remembered a long time, even after you apologize and take down posts.

Later, after being hurt in a painful situation, I took to my blog and wrote a story, veiled, about how I felt. I didn't name names. Didn't paint the picture as obvious, but a good friend of mine emailed me privately and said, "Mary, is this about ___________?" It was. And I removed my pain-filled, woe-is-me post, again feeling like I'd really messed up. I learned it's best to go to Jesus first, air your pain there, before considering sharing it out in public with the whole wide world. People are pretty darned smart, and they'll figure out your strange posts!

Here are some things to think about when wielding your words in a public space. Ask yourself:

1. Will this hurt someone if he/she figures it out?
2. How would I feel if someone posted this about me?
3. In what ways am I trying to prove my rightness?
4. Will I be damaging a person's reputation?
5. Is it necessary to be targeted in my post?
6. Why not choose to suffer quietly?
7. Do you trust your reputation to Jesus, or do you feel you have to manage it?
8. Will this wound dissipate tomorrow? (Often we feel the wound in the heat of the moment, then slash off an email or blog post, regretting it in a few moments. Better to wait, pray, and seek to let it go.)
9. Will this post bring reconciliation or further discord?
10. Am I fueling a raging debate or acting in a conciliatory, teachable way?

So my question is: have you felt this way? Have you wielded your words in a way you regretted? What have you learned? What would you say to others who are tempted to write in a disparaging manner about a person or an injustice?

Why Truth is Beautiful: 20 Reasons

I've had a flood of reader mail, which has really blessed me. It occurred to me that honest, authentic writing changes folks. Truth, raw and redemptive, sets people free. Culled from my inbox, here are twenty reasons why Truth is beautiful:

1. When we tell the truth about our stories, others don't feel alone anymore.
2. When we share our foibles in light of God's truth, we realize we are small but God is big.
3. The beauty of redemption shines all the brighter on a dark canvas. (So saying it like it is doesn't negate God's intersection, it highlights it.)
4. Telling or writing the truth frees us and others from the people-pleasing trap.
5. When we share our stories, we give others the chance to grieve their own in an open way. Truth opens up emotions we once thought buried.
6. The truth, when written humbly, shines the light on people's sins in an invitational, grace-oriented way.
7. Truth helps us be accountable to our brothers and sisters in Christ.
8. Truth obliterates the power of sin in my life when I share it.
9. Being an authentic communicator invites others into shared community.
10. Writing or telling the truth makes us real and it strips us of a performance-based Christianity.
11. Truth rips down masks (in the best possible way).
12. When we point to truth, we remember that Truth personified is Jesus. 
13. When we speak the truth in love, we show a friend that we genuinely care. We're willing to risk a temporary lapse in relationship for the sake of our friend's better good and holiness.
14. Telling the truth is spiritual warfare. Since Satan is the father of lies and speaks lies as his native language, truth-telling renders him speechless.
15. Truth is refreshing.
16. Truth is contagious. When you share it, you invite others to follow you. You can start a revolution of disclosure.
17. People trust a truth teller.
18. If you're passionate about something, being truthful endears you to your audience. They trust what you're saying and are more apt to join you in your passion.
19. Telling the truth is safe. You don't have to worry about contradicting yourself or trying to remember who you told what to.
20. Being a truth teller helps you look yourself in the mirror and not be ashamed.

What about you? Why, in your opinion, is truth beautiful? (And why are lies destructive?)

The Beauty of Detractors

I've been reading through the Gospels in The Message. I love how Peterson's translation reorients me to the surprise of Jesus' words, particularly this passage:

Luke 6: 22-23

"Count yourself blessed every time someone cuts you down or throws you out, every time someone smears or blackens your name to discredit me. What it means is that the truth is too close for comfort and that that person is uncomfortable. You can be glad when that happens—skip like a lamb, if you like!—for even though they don't like it, I do . . . and all heaven applauds. And know that you are in good company; my preachers and witnesses have always been treated like this.

The verses remind me to write/speak/live for an Audience of One, for the applause of heaven. The closer we get to writing the truth, living the truth, and acting as agents of truth in a lie-happy world, the more detractors we'll have.

I remember a particular detractor recently. Words came from nowhere--harsh, slicing, painful. I took them in, swallowed them, digested them. Let them poison me and make me afraid to write. But mostly the words made me afraid to be myself.

As God graciously delivered me from that relationship, He helped me realize that sometimes there are enemies out there looking a lot like companions. That we should be careful. But that we should also rejoice because often times those harsh words mean we're doing something right.

(Aside: Every person who shares something hard with me has dignity, and it's up to me to take in what every person says, weigh it in light of Jesus, and apply it to my life. In a rare instance, a friend's words don't resonate. But mostly they do. Please don't take this as a post about disregarding critics. You grow the most when you listen and heed your critics. I'm talking here about overtly harsh and underhanded critics.)

Here's a verse that keeps me humble and a bit scared: Luke 6:26 “Woe to you, when all people speak well of you, for so their fathers did to the false prophets." I do love for everyone to love me. (And I'm guessing you feel the same at times). But if we're truly living for Jesus, we will have enemies. Remember this equally convicting verse: 2 Timothy 3:12 "Indeed, all who desire to live godly in Christ Jesus will be persecuted."

Notice that? WILL BE. If you're not suffering persecution, at least in some form or another, perhaps you're no threat to the powers of darkness. Perhaps you've (me included) chosen a safe, risk-free, I-want-everyone-to-like-me faith.

Oh to be risky! To risk reputation, standing, stature for the sake of the applause of heaven rather than the arena of man! Oh to trust God enough with my reputation, to let Him manage it. Oh to embrace the words He speaks over me, to sift through the criticism in a godly manner, to rejoice when I suffer persecution for His sake. Oh to be all these things.

The detractor I mentioned above? One of the most beautiful things has happened as a result of that fragmented relationship. It opened the door to new and different friendships I'd never had if I hadn't met that person in the first place. It helps me see that God is sovereign even over the pain, over the caustic words, over the broken relationship. Because from that, He birthed new friendships. What a cool, amazing, surprising God we serve!

The Kindle Contest Winner is . . .

Laura Boggess!

A huge thank you to all the essayists out there. We had over 100+ entries. A special thank you to the Blog Tour Spot's critique group who read through the entries and selected a winner. Laura wins for her essay entitled, "Jesus Smells Like Murphey's Oil Soap." Here is her beautiful essay:

Why am I here?

Obligation. Guilt. Fear.

Whatever reason, I give up my Saturday for it. Meet this ragtag group to clean the church.

I dip rag into bucket of cleaning solution, ignore irritation. I begin: dip rag, wring out, move across wood…

The vacuum hums. Noise so loud we shout to hear. It doesn’t help me relax into this.

I excuse myself.

I stand alone, breath… wonder--why feel this way? The answer looms. I struggle to love this church. Too many hurtful words, too much hypocrisy. Much of what Jesus hates.

I feel little affection for these walls. I have watched my husband’s fledgling faith wings clipped by those who worship here.

The beginnings of bitterness begin to creep in. Like poison entering my body, it moves slowly through my blood.

Jesus help me.

I wipe more pews.

Dip, wring, wipe. Rub away dirt.

Something happens.

He comes.

This oily lemony aroma comforts me. Gleaming wood sings. I sing too.

This plain piece of wood has more beauty than the most intricate of carvings. It cradles the Body of Christ.

I think of the wood that touched our Lord’s skin, soaked in His blood. Wiping becomes caress. The smell envelopes me and I remember.

Some worship the building instead of our Lord.

I have seen it.

But on this morning, hands dripping with Murphy’s Oil Soap, I realize it is only when I see Jesus here that I can to love these walls.

Jesus edges into my heart and nudges away the bitterness.

He leaves only love.

Mount Hermon Head Start Mentoring Clinic

It's a great opportunity to better your writing, make new friends, and experience the breathtaking scenery at Mount Hermon. March 24--26th (prior to the writing conference).

For more information, click here.

Post 1567: From Failure to Today

It's hard to believe I've posted 1566 times since relevantblog launched in October of 2004 from France. Here's my first post. Some of you have asked about France, wondering why I don't write much about our time there. I did chronicle our adventures here in this space, but I didn't share everything. Why? It was just too much at the time. And if you want the truth today: it is still too much. I'll need to walk through some long journeys of healing before I'm ready to spill that story on the page.

But I'm grateful, so grateful for France.

Why?

Because it broke me, or better said, God broke me there. Stripped me of ability, affinity, relationship, communication, community. Every area of my life faced challenge. Every part of me had to either hide under my covers or run to Jesus. Often I preferred a down comforter to The Comforter. But I learned through many failures.

I failed in relationships.

I failed in talking with folks well.

I failed in judgment.

I failed at parenting.

I failed in endurance.

And yet, by God's uncanny grace, I'm here, able to type Post 1567, refueled by Christ's regenerating love. It's a beauty that can only come from the Author of Everything, the One who causes the great reversal.

Beauty from ashes.

Hope from despair.

Life from death.

Gumption from giving up.

A new heart from a broken one.

Humility from the little daily deaths of pride.

Jesus is that to me. The One who can travel to the Land of Misfit Toys, dust me off, and present me for new service. I'm grateful. So grateful.

Happy Birthday Aidan!

God sent snow today for Aidan's 14th birthday! Hooray! Here's proof:

Onion sets not yet planted.
Pippin before yellow snow.
Snow-ball waiting for a three-pointer.
A smiling fence.
Finally a use for Ugg boots in Texas!
Our home lantern decked in snow.
Tree holding winter's sky gifts.
Even the birds are snowed in.

Here's an interesting question:

Are you alive?


As I ran today, I spied a bird on a branch, flapping its wings.

Or so I thought.

As I neared it, I realized it was not a bird, but a dried out leaf, barely clinging to the branch, enlivened by the wind, not by a beating heart.

Suddenly, as if to show me the difference, a little bird flew near the leaf, showing off in flight.

The Lord, as He is apt to do, spoke to me in that moment. "So many are dried out leaves, not alive, tossed about by the wind of the moment. I want my children to fly. To live. To let me breath live and vitality into them. Which will you be, Mary?"

Oh, how I want to be that little flying bird, blessedly alive. Free. I don't want to be a dried up leaf, tossed here and there by the cares of this world. I want my heart to beat. To thrum with life. To empower me to fly.

Dear Jesus, help me fly today. Invigorate my heart to beat for You, to love others for the sheer joy of making You smile. Breathe Your life into mine. I promise, by Your grace, to shout Your glory to the heavens. You are the Author of Life, after all. Amen.

Humbling review of Daisy Chain!

1 of 2 people found the following review helpful:

Stephen King, take note: here's writing to aspire to., February 7, 2010

By	E. Resnick (Simi Valley, CA) - See all my reviews

Amazon Verified Purchase(What's this?)

Stephen King, take note: here's writing to aspire to.

The richest, most effective prose takes you on a journey you'll not soon forget in this wonderful novel. Not a purple word in the bunch, not a meretricious line to be found, nary a letter out of place. Mary E. DeMuth is the Rembrandt of novelists.

Characters and story so profound you'll wonder why the store bookshelves today are so filled with pulp.

(And by the way, I'm not Christian or Catholic. I'm not another prattling zealot. Just an average reader.)

When people are weeds

While running, the Lord reminded me of the Garden of Eden, how beautiful it must've been. And to think, no weeds!

I thought further about weeds and then reminded myself of the hard things God had been saying to me of late, how He's asking me to edit my life, say no. It's a lot like weeding, this saying no thing. Because when you do, you uproot something that takes over everything (if you're careful to pull out all the root structure.)

As I continued down the path of my local park, another thought came to mind. What if some people were weeds? What if there were folks who took over our lives (not just physically or with time, but emotionally too, where they take up space in our minds?) Eccesiastes tells us there's a time to plant and a time to uproot what is planted.

There are folks who are like weeds in my life. And in this juncture, thankfully, they're not deeply imbedded in my day-to-day activities. In that way, God has uprooted them from me. But I let these weedy folks (who have spoken destructive, painful words over my life) take up residence in my mind, mulling over their mean-spirited words, ruminating on what I could've done to possibly change their minds about me.

In that conundrum, I know there are three primary ways of weed removal:

1. I can simply pretend the weeds are pretty, tolerate them, even water them. Often, I've done this. I've tried to hope for the best with some painful relationships, doing my best to jump through hoops so all will be well. The result? Those weeds take over my heart, choking me.
2. I can spray toxic chemicals on them. This happens during direct confrontations with said weeds. If I allow someone to hurt me so much that I retaliate with words, then I've given in to sin. Better to take the pain to Jesus and ask Him to be my defender.
3. I can ask the Master Gardener to fully uproot the weeds, not only from my day-to-day life, but from my heart and mind. When He does this, healing begins. I simply can't be a beautiful, lush garden with weeds invading. The hard part? Sometimes weeds pose as flowers. And sometimes flowers look like weeds. Only the Master Gardener knows the difference and can order my life and relationships accordingly. The key to weed removal is close proximity to the Master Gardener. 

In this endeavor to simplify my life, I've had to entrust every relationship to the Lord, particularly the ones that drain me or tear me down. I remember one time many years ago when my dear friend Stacey sat in her car with me and told me she'd been weeding out her friends. It had been a painful year for her. At its end, God told her to simplify her relationships, choosing the ones that best blessed her and challenged her.

"I choose you," she told me.

I'd invite you to evaluate your life right now. In what ways are you throwing your relational pearls before swine? Who are the weeds in your life? Who are you afraid to let go of? Who has acted like an enemy, speaking words of discouragement over you? Perhaps it's time to press into the Master Gardener, to trust Him to pull the weeds that need to be pulled, and plant the flowers that need to be planted.

Free Books!

Great news!

Daisy Chain, by yours truly, is being offered free on Barnes & Noble and Amazon for the Nook and Kindle for the next 2 weeks. (And if you have an iphone or an ipod touch or a pc, you can download apps to be able to read books, then get a free download.) Please pass this information on to your friends and family who enjoy great books!

Other free books include:

• Peculiar Treasures by Robin Jones Gunn. Amazon. Barnes & Noble.
• Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell. Amazon. Barnes & Noble.
• Never Say Never by Lisa Wingate. Amazon.